I realized somewhere in the span of the last two weeks, I've done a great job at holding my ground. I've done a really, really good job of not being unhealthy. I've said no to treats when I wanted them. I've cut my caffeine intake by about 90%. You won't find artificial sweetener anywhere in my diet and I'm not ashamed to tell you, two months ago - you would've found a lot. I've held my ground and tried not to be unhealthy but I hadn't really started trying to fight for the healthiest me I could possibly be.
Somewhere in my heart, there was a reluctancy to really really try when it came to pursuing wellness and the Lord shined a massive light on what was really going on: fear of failure. I'd committed to blogging about my health/weight loss journey and I'd obviously talked to the people I love about what I was doing, but when I get very still and quiet, I found I was scared to try, fail, and let them down. I genuinely think I was even scared to let myself down.
The truth, however, is that I'm not doing this for the approval of myself or others - I'm doing it to honor the Lord with my body. The truth is that it's almost impossible for me to fail if my standards of success of HIS standards of success. The truth is that it's going to be hard work, but He will help me, and it's going to be worth it. Fruit WILL come.
So here are some ways I'm fighting this week, they might sound silly, but they're helpful to me.
- I'm drinking some green smoothies. I love green smoothies but I hate them. I love the way they taste, but they're the definition of un-comforting. BUT I've learned that food isn't about comfort - it's about nourishment and it can be about celebration, but the Lord is my comforter.
- I'm going to keep running. For me, my runs are so stinking mental. Physically, my body can run 5 or 6 miles on a really good day. They're slow, ugly miles, but I know I could do it. Mentally, I get about 1/3 mile in and want to quit. So this week - I'm finishing my runs strong. Not to prove anything to anyone, but because physically I can and I don't want to give negative thoughts in my mind more power than the positive strength of my legs.
- I'm drinking all the water I can get my hands on. Not just enough to live. Not enough water to make up for the __________ I'll drink later. All the water I can drink.
- I'm thanking God for the ground He is going to give me. Instead of worrying about not becoming as healthy as I want to be, I'm just thanking God that He will help me be as healthy as He wants me to be. I know that I know that He has called me to dig in and work on my health as a whole and I know that He has fruit waiting for me.
No more standing still, holding my ground. I'm ready to move forward, taking the ground He has. Smoothie by smoothie, day by day, run by run, water bottle by bottle. Anybody with me?
The land on which your feet have walked will be your inheritance, you and your children’s, forever. Yes, you have lived totally for God. Joshua 14:9 The Message