Last night Nick and I sat on the brick wall by the battery, talking and listening to the waves lap, doing a little kissin' every once in a while, sharing our hearts. The wind was blowing hard over the water, making the summer Charleston night not just bearable but enjoyable, and I felt IT tingle down my arms and pump up my heart. Life. Life. Life.
I feel it when I run, when I get totally caught up laughing with my kids, I feel it when I write, when I laugh with women, when I date my husband, when I talk to the Lord. So much of our actual lives are just maintenance - doing the things we have to do to do the things that make us feel alive. I think the Holy Spirit is with us in the maintenance and I think we can sure have fun there, but most of the time - those days aren't magical and they don't change us. They're not bad by any sort of means, but they're not what I want my life to filled with.
I don't want to be the one always preparing my home, never having it filled and getting messy. I don't want to be the one constantly working towards spiritual preparation, never walking in the gifts he's given. I don't want to just talk about things, I want to do them. I don't want to just maintain, I want to live.
In my actual physical life, I think I experience this quite a bit. We LIVE. Maybe not as much as we could, but I think we genuinely have this crazy, rouge, life with this brand new baby church. We try and mess up, we love and we hurt, we make mistakes and apologizes and love hard when we can. There's so much room for growth, so much room for more of Him, but that makes me hopeful and not discouraged.
Know where I don't think I experience that phenomenon? This blog. It's been months since I REALLY wrote something that scared me or made my heart beat faster. With running the shop and the blog, I find myself in pretty consistent business maintenance mode. And for that, I'm crazy grateful. We have this beautiful and sacred business to grow and maintain and it blesses my face off. There isn't a day I work that I don't thank the Lord for such a fun job.
All that being said, I want to go rogue. I'm a deep-thinker and a question-asker, I miss writing strong words from a place of life and not just maintenance. Combining maintaining our business (largely through this blog + social media) and working on two different book proposals, I feel like most of my public internet words have been safe and calculated and I miss getting to use my words in a way that's life giving and wild.
In August, Naptime Diaries will be solely the name of the shop and this blog will become jessconnolly.com and all social media will follow. We'll be two separate entities, but the mission of both sites and endeavors will stay the same. Naptime Diaries will be about helping people write scripture creatively on their walls and hearts, and Jess Connolly will be about finding inspiration in the thick of it. In the meantime, I'm going to keep pouring some rouge, wild, alive words into these book proposals and sharing my heart on social media (mainly instagram) and occasionally posting here, but this will still be a landing place for both the shop and the blog. I'll be letting other wise women hop on here and share their inspiration and I'm always excited about that as well.
But I'm also super (not so secretly) excited about August too. I'm excited for my blog writing life to match up with my messy, lived life - to ask questions and share words that make me a little nervous, to let the Spirit swim in the hollow of my veins and speak through these typing fingers as I seek Him more daily. I'm excited to go a little rouge + I hope you'll follow along.
Living life with you, Jess