Whoa Whoa. That was a weekend.

I get so annoyed when people I love don't update their blogs - oops, my bad. It's been almost a week. But SERIOUSLY - it was one crazy week.

I'm not the girl who is obsessed with being on time but I am extremely anal about having ENOUGH time to get everything done. If I feel like I don't have enough time to do something in a relaxed manner, I usually don't do it. Afternoons where I have something planned every thirty minutes or even every hour do not bode well with me - complete days like that make me an actual nut job.

Unfortunately - we had an entire weekend that was perfectly planned in ten minute increments and even more unfortunately - I didn't actually tackle it and handle it with finesse. I flipped out and lost it and whatever words you want to use to describe going nuts. So now I'm sort of stuck at a crossroads:

I was talking with my sister today about the realization we've both come to.... There is a reason why we can't find other women in our same position in life - there aren't any. Moms of young babes and children don't try to have only friends without children, support husbands in ministry and seminary, try to also do ministry themselves, get to starbucks a few times a week just to talk to our bff's, stay involved in reality TV & popular culture, work, bargain shop, see family atleast once a month, and meet new people constantly. Most of the younger moms we know do some of the above but not all and that's why it feels so lonely where we're at. I've got to start making some tough decisions - our family is only growing and while I think I'm doing the right thing by trying to juggle so much - I'm really hurting the ones I love and wasting precious days that could be filled with some sort of sanity. I'm doing everything 15% and it's time reevaluate.

It's just hard - I have such amazing friends - and they deserve more from me. I have a son and a husband who are more special than anything on earth - they deserve more. I have a Savior who's heart is hurting over my constant yucky attitude and who already died and conquered the grave so that I could live for Him. With so many reasons to give this life my all - I couldn't be more thankful that I really can just quit trying (and failing) and let the Lord live through me.