Tears

I think it's safe to say that babies cry, for the most part, because they can't express what's happening to them. They are in pain or they hurt, or maybe they're just itchy - but they can't just out and out explain it, so they let it flow.

A good part of my heart is trying intensely hard to be fine, to feel like I'm not devastated by the distance to the women that hold my heart back in the Carolinas. The steady refrain that is on repeat is screaming, "You have all of eternity to be with them - you have one life to answer Christ's call. Buck up, deal with it, and don't even think about shedding a tear." The problem is, my brain works very, very well and it is loud and stubborn. Rationality wins out hour after hour after hour - and I know the truth: This is not that bad. God will reunite us. They have a purpose to fulfill there and I have a purpose to fulfill here. I have my husband, which is so much of a gift. I have a few friends here, which is more than I should ask for.

But every so often, I feel like a six month old, who can't verbalize what's wrong. I'm lonely - but no, that's not it really. I feel like I have no one to talk to, but I honestly do. The phone works, people are nearby. Everything seems totally normal on the outside - I'm just hurting. I'm just in pain and can't express it, even to myself. For these times... I could not be more thankful for the Holy Spirit - who is constantly groaning and interceding on my behalf. If that's theologically or biblically wrong, I don't want to know. If I'm misinterpreting, please don't tell me. Right now the comfort I'm receiving from believing that the wind of God is carrying my heart up to Jesus and He understands is what's getting me through.

Jesus - He's my Savior and He's even better than the woman I saw on Oprah once who could interpret babies cries.