It was a Saturday morning. The kind that are good for laying around with your family and drinking coffee and making pancakes. I had no alarm set and no agenda.
But my eyes popped open and the ears of my heart were pricked for listening. I don't hear audibly from Him. I rarely feel woken up by Him. But the clarity of mind and heart I had just then, upon first waking, were both purposeful in a Holy Spirit kind of way. He had something to say.
One clear, crazy thought filled my mind.
Lady-girl: you are blessed to co-run a business that puts scripture in thousands of homes. You've found yourself writing for a ministry that produces bible studies for thousands of women to read together. You're married to a pastor, your home is filled with scripture. You have little ears and hearts waiting at your door this morning. Waiting to hear Good News from you.
(and I wondered)
Do I know the Word?
Do I love the Word?
Do I love what my Father has to say more than I love to talk about what He has to say?
More than I love to make prints about what He says?
More than I love to write about what He says?
Do I just LOVE HIM AND WHAT HE SAYS?
And when the Lord makes something clear, it's so much better than when a human heart tries to convey a thing. If a human heart, my own even, had said "are you reading your bible enough?" (read that in a nasal voice) - I would have felt condemned and less than and like a failure and a drop out.
When the Lord shifts, with His love and grace and beauty -- I don't feel condemned, I feel the weight of an opportunity. I have the OPPORTUNITY to read His word. To know Him. To have a life and a home that is filled with His truth.
On stage at Influence I asked the women exactly what I ask the discipleship girls in my cramped office before community group each week. Are we assuming that we are all reading God's Word? Because we can't assume - we just have to be. We just have to be women who are obsessed with the opportunity of knowing more about the One who loves us.
I'm not making any more assumptions about myself.
I will take this opportunity and run.