The other day, I was in worship.
Holding this sweet boy.
Singing these words.
And I brushed my hands over his face and patted him and shifted him from the crook of my arm to the base of my shoulder. I sniffed him and inhaled his sweet little scent. I smushed his soft hair under the tips of my fingers. I wasn't worshipping my baby, but just physically kind of touching + examining the good gift that left me in stunned gratefulness to my Father.
And hot tears filled my eyes as I thought about him and the Lord and the baby we lost and my human plans that never included Cannon. A year ago, I was basically stuffing my head and schedule as full as possible to drown out the quietness that screamed at me when I got too still and found myself aching at how my plans and the Lord's hadn't lined up. I wanted to trust Him. To believe He knew best. But that seemed to work best when my hands and days were full.
As quickly as I could lift up a Thank You, Lord for giving me more than I could know or know to hope for - I felt this quickening in my heart and I heard from Him like I haven't in a long time. Not audible or even super clear, but I knew it was Him nonetheless.
Why do I not believe that He is bigger and His ways are better? Why, when I finally get it through my head that His plan is GOOD and for my GOOD - do I still only perceive this fact in terms of gifts He can give me? Do I know that His love is more than I could know? Do I know His mercy is more than I could fathom? Do I get caught up in that like I get caught up in the fuzzy, soft, sweet blessings of the tangible gifts that He gives?
Lady, whatever is in your hands or your life or your path today, take a minute to ask Him to remind you that He is more. He is more than you can dream up. His love is greater and better and bigger than life. And His gifts, whether they're tangible or you're barely able to perceive them - they are dreamed up specifically for you, for the good of your sweet heart that loves Him. That sure wants to love Him. Shake your head and squint your eyes till you remember that hope is never a wasted emotion.
And I'm remembering: hope and trust put full on your Father is ALWAYS a good bet.
He is far above all we know, far above all we hope.
He has done (and will do) great things.