Writing (and blogging) for a long time for me was a really beautiful redemptive cycle. I would see an issue or perceive something going on within me or around me and write about it. I'd describe it and weigh it and compare it and learn it. Then, through words, the Lord would push me around the circle of redemption towards restoration - writing the whole way.
And maybe you've heard this story from other bloggers or writers and maybe you can guess what happened on your own. But somehow writing, and specifically writing on the internet for all to see, became a block in my ability to really take those steps. I fell in love with blogging and the trips around the circle became less and less. I wrote more about the other things than I did about the hard places. I think this was partially because so many things had to become private, and rightfully so. You can't write as easily about the hidden and terrifying bits of your life when others are involved or when so and so is reading. And that's just life.
However, something sad happened in this process. The less I wrote about the conviction, redemption, and restoration that was happening in my heart and life - the more I became scared of sharing the conviction, redemption, and restoration that was happening in my life. I've written about this before, the fear of being found out. It's real and alive and active and gross in my heart. Maybe in all of ours? We are willing to admit we're sinners and we're broken and we're needy. We're willing to share the acceptable bits of our hearts, the broken pieces that are a little more smooth and a little less jagged. But the incredibly human and honest parts that are covered in guts and not yet shined up by His glory - please hide those before you scare my kids.
But today, I put my little blogging foot back down. I will still protect the places that need to stay quiet in my life and I'm not going to bleed out all over with my broken bits, but I will start writing through the circle again. I will take back the power I have given my enemy and I will fight the lie that when I'm found out, really known and seen for who I am, that I won't be loved anymore. Because, sister. I have been found. I've been called and redeemed and sanctified and set aside and I am covered in the blood of Jesus. When I stand before my Father, He sees a daughter and a vessel for redemptive work in the world. And if you are in Christ - the same goes for you.
I won't mess around with the acceptable issues - the ones we're all comfortable sharing, but I'll go straight to the ones that my head tells me to hide. I will boast in my weakness because Christ's power is made perfect within it. I will let myself be found out.
Because I've been found.
This will become a short series on my blog and if you want to write about where you've been found, the areas of your heart and life that the Lord is refining, you are more than welcome. Next week I'll be talking about finishing well in relationships - my failure/struggle/and hope for redemption therein.