|photo by Hannah Arnold - Visions Photography|
This Sunday will be our third monthly church service of our church plant, Gospel Community. It's been such a joy to see the church and the community grow and gain steam, and our services have been like sweet little markers so far - gatherings to really physically see what God is up to.
The building we meet in is also our kid's school and it's beautiful and new and the room where we have worship has light pouring in, just pouring in through the windows. I noticed this past service, I was having a really, really hard time just letting go and singing to the Lord. Sure, there are still a good amount of jitters and nervousness there as it pertains to being the pastor's wife - but I was just having a hard time really getting genuine as the music played and the songs were sung.
I thought back to two months ago, when it was just us - in our living room - lights off and loud music playing. Worshipping, praying, intimate, and honest. And I realize - I tend to worship better in the dark. My favorite time of day is the morning when it's dark and still and I grab my Bible and hit the cool spot on the sofa and get real with Jesus. Just me and Him. I can write crazy things or murmur like a madwoman. I can get up and sway around my living room and pour out my heart. And what happens in the dark is good and beautiful and I never want to lose it.
And then I think about heaven. How it will be intimate and personal, but also most of the descriptions I see in God's Word are very corporate. Very together. Very lights on. I think of what happens when I'm in corporate worship and get a glimpse of my husband worshipping, my sister, or that gal who I knew is in the midst of a trial. Some wild fire bubbles up inside of me and I believe in Him more. I believe that He is good and He is working because I see it in their lifted hands and their earnest faces.
So today, this week, I'm pressing in and trying to worship in the light.
I'll keep doing it in the dark because that is what is real and intimate for me, but I know doing it in the light is good for all of us too.