Maybe it isn't working.


Maybe it isn’t working.

Is the word growing empty for you? Grace? Is it just me or is it losing some of it’s power?

I was about 38 weeks pregnant with my daughter Gloriana when I FREAKED OUT and decided to change her name to Colette. I had no emotional attachment to the name Colette. I didn’t really know what it meant. I just found it in a baby name book in the middle of a pregnancy- induced-insomnia fit and I knew that I HAD to change her name.

Why you ask? Because people were saying it too casually. At the time my husband and I ran a maternity home, which meant we had pregnant teenagers living with us (that is a long and beautiful story for another time), and I was surrounded by these sweet other pregnant bellies and all of them were calling her “baby Glory”. Rightfully so - that’s what I’d named her. So I’d walk into a room and someone would rub my belly and say, “How’s baby Glory doing today?”.

It sounded so casual and pedestrian. It seemed that as her name rolled off the tongues of other women, they were so much more connected to her than I was. Here I stood, in pregnancy fog, fearful about the days to come, emotional and overwhelmed and all I knew is that I just wanted everyone to stop saying her name like it was so simple. My pregnancy with Glory had been complex, intense, and miraculous - it couldn’t have been further from casual.

Thank goodness no one listened to me. My sweet mama gently told me that I could call Glory “Colette” if I wanted to, but she was still going to call her Glory. My hormonal freak out passed, we had Gloriana Eloise Connolly on March 14, 2008 and her life has been nothing short of a display of God’s glory since that day.

But that’s how I’m starting to feel about grace - if I’m honest.

If God’s grace is so beautiful and so complex - why do we all feel so exhausted from striving and building and working to earn our place in the kingdom?

If God’s grace enables us to be in relationship with one another, gives us the freedom to fail and keep growing together - why are there so many broken relationships? Why does it seem like humans are so stinking disappointed in one another for acting... human?

If God’s grace is what compels us - why do so many of us struggle with apathy? Fear? Condemnation?

Why are the women of our day harassed by eating disorders, perfectionism, approval addictions, and pinterest perfect pictures of what their lives are supposed to be like?

Why aren’t we dancing in grace? Why isn’t it making us smile? Why does it seem so casual and so ineffective all at once?

You won’t be surprised to hear I’ve got a lot of ideas about why and I’ve got more than a pocketful of prayers - begging God to help us feel the weight of His great grace so it compels us to more.

That’s what a good portion of Dance Stand Run is all about (coming out October 24th) and I’d be so grateful if you’d check it out. Let’s dig in and see what grace might be waiting for us. If you and a friend read it together, we’ve got some gifts for you - see more about those here.

Let’s go. Let’s dance in grace.

Jessi Connolly1 Comment