the tale of the nail
March 13th, 2007
I remember the night before Glory was born, having a million things on my mind - but there was a pressing issue that I needed sorted out. I asked the women in my life at the time (Faythe, Lauren, Ruby, & Kalle) what to do about my nails. For the past few months, I'd been into darks. Dark maroons, dark browns, dark reds. But the birth of a child felt wrong to wear vampy dark nail polish to, so I asked them if I should switch to a milky white for Miss Glory's debut. They unanimously agreed on the lighter shade, but I ran out of time preparing for my hospital stay and thus, they were red as I welcomed her to the world.
I think that crusty red stayed on for a few weeks without me noticing. Life was flying by and there was literally no time to think about it. I was busy figuring out how to pacify my little ball of feminine fire and in my spare time, I needed to be giving time to my big boy (or helping run a maternity home, being a wife, trying to have friends, seek the Lord, and make my own self breakfast every once in a while). Occasionally I'd throw some clear on there and try to help my paws out - but in general, my nails stayed bare naked.
Honestly, I was fine with this arrangement. So many things in my life needed to be paused, having unpainted nails was a small sacrifice for the blessings I'd been given.
Fast-forward 18 months, one more baby, a move, and a whole new lifestyle and two very important things happened that changed my viewpoints on the need for color in my life. #1) I began to wake up to life again. Noticed a need for throw pillows on my sofa and more variety in my earring collection. I just had a general longing for spice in my life again. #2) I discovered Sally Hansen quickdry goodness. I bought a dark red (old habits die hard) and realized that if I painted my nails just before bedtime, the quick-dry wouldn't smudge as I slept and I could experience excitement in my life again. I got excited dreaming about colors - coral, turquoise, and navy blue! Sweet Mare even dropped by my house one day during naptime with a beautiful new bottle of "blazing blue frost". I was getting back on track.
As time passed, I got into a pattern of when to paint my nails and how long to wait precisely before climbing into bed. Sometimes I'd miss my window and end up with big chips, but for the most part - I made it work. But life always picks up, right? There is always something to fill the time where I could be nail-painting: baby-soothing, box-packing, bible-reading, husband-bonding, or early-bedding. The chipped navy on my hands started to make me bitter.
You think I'm kidding? Sadly, no.
I even had to confess to my community group. "Sometimes my anger gets away from me. I need Jesus to help me.... a big trigger? Uh, that would be my chipped nail polish". It represents all the things my sinful heart can get angry about. I don't have enough time, no one understands this crazy schedule, I want a manicure. Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah.
The past few days I decided to fast from trying to paint my nails. Does that sound silly? It is. Sort of. But now all I can think about is matte gray.
But alas, not today.