open my eyes a little wider

Last night, I put the kids to bed for their first time sleeping in about 36 hours. We'd gone straight from the plane to the car to the boat and while they'd napped here and there, they were exhausted and I could barely keep my eyes open either. I laid with Elias and I'm pretty sure I was singing too, but the next thing I knew - well, I didn't know anything.

My sister was standing over me trying to help me get my bearings. Apparently I just kept saying, "I don't know what you mean?" over and over again. Finally I realized I was laying beside Elias and oh man, we'd just moved. For the first five or ten minutes after I woke up, I assumed I must have been really sleepy for the last few weeks because I had some newfound clarity that alerted me to the fact that moving was a bad idea. Why'd we do that? Hmph. Silly us.

Later I went on a boat ride with my sister, Josh, and Mom & Gibson and just thanked the Lord outloud that I was there. For so many months we've asked the Lord to get the ball rolling to get us to Boston and we've asked him specifically that I'd get to spend some time at this lake house with my family, that I'd get to spend some time with my Dad. And now all that is happening and it's so beautiful. The kids were fast asleep and being "babysat" by my little sister, the night air was really cool and the sunset was stunning. I thought that surely if I just opened my eyes a little wider, I could take in the beauty of the mountains and the lake and the whole right side of this nation without my heart feeling 4 thousand miles away.

And I did. Just looked and appreciated His work and the beauty and the conversation.

So that's my game plan. Take the waves of sadness as they come, and open my eyes as wide as possible to get the fullness of what He's doing right now - in the moment. Get my husband here next week and start looking to the future.

Let's just hope I don't fall asleep again while putting Elias to sleep. Woosh.
Jessi4 Comments