17 Things I’ve Learned
This past weekend Nick and I celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary.
We’ve had some incredibly rough years of marriage - honestly, I’m just as thankful for the turbulent years as I am for the easy ones. It’s wild how hard seasons strengthen you in ways you can’t replicate in other scenarios.
But this has not been a rough year, and I want to thank God for that.
During our date, we decided to come up with 17 things we’ve learned about marriage (and relationships) so far. We have so much to learn, probably so much to unlearn, and I can’t wait to keep going.
Without further ado, 17 things we’ve learned so far!
The best parts about marriage are free: playing cards, laughing, dancing in the kitchen, and praying together.
“You might be right.” This phrase has saved our marriage - it secretly says: I don’t think you’re right, but I love you more than I love proving my point, and I’m open to being wrong.
Letting your partner be sad, excited, scared, and/or confused is challenging but worth it.
You’ll both change a lot. That’s good! Nick has been married to a vegan, a homeschooler, a stay-at-home mom, a fitness instructor, a working mom, a want-to-be-hairstylist, a woman who hates change, and a woman who loves change. I’m grateful we’ve gotten to change beside one another.
Conversation breeds intimacy. Talk it all out.
But - NO SERIOUS TALKS AFTER 9PM - no exceptions.
Take fun + adventure seriously.
If you fight on a date night, you must recreate it with happy hearts. (This is a rule we started two years ago, and it helps us avoid fighting on date nights. Because who wants to pay for dinner out + a babysitter twice just because you couldn’t let something small go?)
Communicate about what is ok to share with others and what isn’t. At this point in our marriage, I feel loved when Nick explicitly says, “Please don’t share this with anyone else.” And vice versa.
Your friends don’t have to be the same, and they don’t have to be couples.
Don’t miss a chance to be each other’s biggest cheerleaders. Determine that no one else will encourage your spouse more than you.
In a slump, focus on how YOU can love well. Your mind will want to see everything they’re doing wrong - try and fight that.
Say you’re sorry; you’re probably wrong. (Also, apologize well: no, “I’m sorry if you felt that way.”)
The enemy is the prince of the air - sometimes your words will get twisted, and it’s no one’s fault.
Subtly coordinating outfits is just kind of fun. Exhibit A Exhibit B Exhibit C
Let each other dream. Let each other grieve. Let each other grieve dreams.
But mainly, keeping dreaming together. Believe that God can and will do anything in both of your lives in any season. Nothing is too big, and nothing is off the table.
Again, we’ve got a lot to learn.
But I’m excited to keep learning.
I pray these blessed you whether you’re married, want to be one day, or you’re just in a relationship with anyone!
God is mighty in you.
Jess