For the Gal Feeling Left Out
I recently went through a debilitating season of feeling rejected, left out, and lonely. If anyone else looked at my life from the outside, they might think I was completely out of my mind.
People surround me: I have the world’s best team of women at Go and Tell Gals, and Bright City, our church, is famous for being a safe haven for kingdom-minded gals in Charleston. I have two kind sisters and a crazy-loving mom. What’s my problem?
That’s how I felt too: What’s my problem?
I was caught in a couple of different cycles that were exacerbating my feelings of rejection and loneliness. And it felt like no matter how hard I tried to ignore my feelings, I couldn’t break the thought patterns. And the more I felt rejected, the more I acted rejected. And to be honest - the more I felt rejected, the more I rejected others quietly in my own heart before they could reject me.
Here are a few encouragements from me to you if you find yourself feeling lost or lonely. I know none of these will fix everything - but I pray they meet you where you’re at.
Your desire for connection is BEAUTIFUL. It’s not needy. If you’re longing to be seen, known, and loved, it doesn’t mean you’re broken - instead, you’re living out your God-given identity. Our triune God creates, heals, redeems, and restores in unity: the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. And what’s more - we’re not just purchased into the kingdom. We’re reborn into the family of God. I pray your desire for community never dies.
Please make space for your feelings. Trying to ignore feelings of loneliness and rejection won’t work. If anything, they’ll become louder. Feel your feelings with God, and process them with health, so you don’t make agreements with any lies the enemy is trying to speak over your soul. Speaking of lies…
Lies are loud in lonely seasons. Be cautious about assumptions you’re making about others or yourself. Try to hope the best in others, so you don’t assume the worst. And notice false narratives you might be telling about your own life too.
Remember, you can still be generous and initiate community, even when you’re feeling lonely. One truth I kept repeating in my most recent struggle with rejection was, “Vulnerability without generosity turns me into a victim.” Vulnerability means I feel and process my lonely feelings, but when I stopped being generous and initiating community and care for others, I walked around feeling like the ultimate victim.
Speaking of lies, social media is also a horrible liar. It looks like everyone is together, connected, and happy - but I find that’s rarely the truth. You can be surrounded by people and feel lonely. You can have thousands of followers online and still struggle with rejection. This cliche is a cliche because it’s very often true: Be kind because everyone you meet could be fighting a hard battle.
Lastly, it won’t always feel this way. Lonely seasons are not great. But here’s what's helpful about seasons: they always end.
I pray that wherever you find yourself, you sense God’s nearness and compassion coming toward you.
I pray that you know you’re never alone in the kingdom of God.
And I pray the page of loneliness turns quickly so you can feel seen, loved, and as cared for as you are - in Jesus’ name.
Your friend,
