Do You Really Mean That?

Feb 9

As a reminder, this is the No Filter Newsletter - where real women share honest truths and ask hard questions. Disclaimer over, proceed at your own risk. :)

My family has kind of been in it the past few weeks. Do you know what I mean? I have a feeling you do, and I’m sure you’ve felt IN IT before - if not during this same time.

It started in January with a few of us having COVID again and multiple exposures, despite being as safe and prepared as possible. Then I had a series of dentists visits that ended up costing thousands of dollars and seeing me get not one but two root canals in two weeks. Finally, a few months ago, our dog had a costly surgery that was debilitating and so sad, and sure enough - this week, we found out he has to have the same surgery on the opposite leg.

Then yesterday, my oldest son, Elias, came home from school not entirely coherent, complaining of a headache after a fall. Fast forward a few hours, and he was in the ER, sick as could be, diagnosed with a severe concussion + a cervical sprain. So you can imagine there have been a handful of other hard conversations, heartbreaks, and pain points in the last few weeks - but we’ll keep it semi-subtle here for brevity's sake.

To be honest, just a few hours before the concussion, Nick and I had confessed to our staff that we felt - kind of done, hard-pressed, overwhelmed with the bad news and frustrations. And so when a friend texted me as I waited for Elias’ CATscan, “Jess - how are you REALLY?” I had to pause.

My fingers moved to type “Very tired, stressed, and frustrated” because at first glance - that’s what I thought I was supposed to feel. I even wrote out a whole text about how expensive this month has been due to the dentist, dog surgery, and now this. But I deleted it. Because the truth was: those were the circumstances, they weren’t the reality of my soul.

My soul was actually… curious. I felt like, “God, I trust you. I believe you will not waste any pain or frustration in my life - but use it for good. So what are you up to?”

And instead of writing back, “tired, stressed, and frustrated,”... I spent four paragraphs telling her just that.

The truth is, though, sometimes, when people expect me to be full of faith - I’m filled with doubt. And sometimes, when people anticipate my sadness, I’m a little hopeful or experiencing some supernatural joy. But, what is wildly encouraging to me is this:

No matter how I’m doing, I have the freedom, to be honest with my Father about the state of my soul. And sometimes, it’s incredibly prudent for me to take a second and ask, “do you really mean that?” God can work with any of our emotions, but let’s make sure they’re genuine - so we can get the relief or the encouragement or the comfort that we require at that moment.

I dare you to take a quick check-in with your soul today: No filter needed.