I Can’t Believe She Said That!

It happened recently. I was actually teaching on body image. She came up to me after the message was over and told me how much she appreciated that I wasn’t thin. I gave my semi-half smile to give her the first non-verbal warning sign. I was trying to say, “SLOW DOWN SISTER - you’re in dangerous waters.” 

But inevitably, she blew past the warning signals and began to describe my body in more detail. Some of the words were hurtful and some were innocuous, but all of them were inappropriate because I’d just gotten done teaching on the very good truth that OUR BODIES DO NOT QUALIFY US FOR MINISTRY.

The Lord looks at the heart, just ask 1 Samuel 16:7. 

I stood there, blood rushing to my face, thinking, “I can’t believe she said that.” I’m used to people making unkind and unholy statements about my body, I even wrote a book to help other women process it. But it still hit my soul in a tender moment and I had a decision to make: start spinning down the shame spiral or shake it off and speak some truth. 

And that’s honestly what I want to encourage you about today. Some of you bought Breaking Free from Body Shame a few weeks ago, some of you are just starting it, and some of you haven’t started this journey yet (get started today!). When you’re fresh on the freedom path, it feels exhilarating and amazing. But ultimately we hit a moment when we feel like liberty is suddenly ripped out from underneath us and we don’t know how to respond.

So here’s what I did:

The second time she used a negative word to describe my body, I kindly interrupted her and asked her not to use that word again. I assured her I knew her intentions were good, but it was still not life-giving. And then I listened to her, talking about her own pain and frustrations, and I asked God to overwhelm me with compassion for her. Her wrong choice of words - that was about her, not about me. Her perspective about bodies and their worth: it’s honestly going to bring more pain to her life than to mine. And so after she was done talking, I did my best to speak life over her once more, I prayed for her, and then I walked away.

And as my feet moved me away from the awkward and tense interaction, I asked God to move my heart closer to His.

I thanked Him for sending Jesus to defeat shame and condemnation and then I came to write you this email. 

Because sometimes the most helpful thing we can do when something tries to take us off the freedom train is to serve others. Sometimes the only thing we can do to help is use what we’ve got to make sure less women have to have conversations like this in the future. Amen? 

Let’s break free from shame + let’s stay free. 

Ps: If you haven’t gotten Breaking Free from Body Shame, tell me what in the world you’re waiting for. If you have - I wonder what it would look like to champion another woman’s freedom today? Maybe grab a copy for a friend.