Episode 15: Body Freedom this Holiday Season

Welcome to our podcast– The Jess Connolly Podcast!

This podcast is for you. It’s not my podcast, it’s ours. It’s for people who crave light-hearted conversations and deeply spiritual truths. It’s for those of us who are busy, tired, waiting, growing, dreaming, working, or praying about what’s next.

This episode is for you if you have a body and sometimes wonder if it truly is a good body. Maybe this holiday season you are visiting family who comments on your body, feeling funky about a body that is changing, experiencing insecurity while you take holiday pictures, or just really wanting to get through the season of parties without engaging in the wild yoyo of indulging and withholding.

So let’s get our minds right, our hearts ready, and our answers prepared for that one aunt who always comments on whether or not we’ve lost our baby weight. 

Let’s Go.

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Episode Transcript:

Hey friends, I'm Jess Connolly.

I'm an author, a coach, a Bible teacher and a local church leader.

And I love talking to real people who know what it means to have full lives but also want to walk in abundance.

This podcast is for you.

It's not my podcast, it's ours.

0:19

It's for people who crave light hearted conversations and deeply spiritual truth.

It's for people who are busy, tired, waiting, growing, dreaming, working, or praying about what's next.

Wherever you're listening from, if it's quiet, mundane or busy, I am praying for you.

0:39

And I'm so glad you're here.

Let's go.

Whether you're visiting family, who you think might be commenting on your body, or feeling funky about a body that's changing, if you're experiencing insecurity while you take holiday pictures, or if you're just wanting to get through the season of parties and celebrations without engaging in the wild yo-yo of indulging and withholding, this episode is for you.

1:11

We're all about to go through the holiday season, and we're all about to do it in our good bodies.

So let's get our minds right, our hearts ready, and our answers prepared for that one aunt who always comments on whether or not we've lost our baby weight.

1:30

Your body is good.

It doesn't become worthy or good when we start the January cycle of dieting.

In fact, let's don't.

Let's dive in and talk about how we can live as free as we are in Jesus name this holiday season.

1:50

Let's go.

All right friends, listen y'all know I love to talk about body image.

My book Breaking Free from Body Shame came out in June 2021, and I am always so excited to talk to women who are wanting more freedom in their life, specifically as it pertains to the way they view and interact with their bodies.

2:16

And so I just want to tell you at the front of this episode that I have a theory that the holiday season is actually the hardest time of the year for those of us who struggle with body image issues.

At least it used to be.

For me.

I think we equate summer and bikini bodies and all of that with this really intense struggle.

2:36

But the truth is, by summer the defeat and the shame is prevalent.

I think it actually starts building for most of us in the holiday season.

I think we are either making agreements and accepting body shame, or we're starting right now to reject it as lies, lies from the enemy of our soul about our bodies.

2:59

So I say right now, when it might feel sticky, heavy, too much messy.

Let's go for it.

Let's handle and let's figure out what it would look like for us to live free in our good bodies.

So here's the very first thing I want to tell you, and I hope that you will trust me.

3:19

I don't know.

Take my word for it.

After years, years, decades of really fighting for my own freedom and now getting to shepherd thousands of women to freedom in their good bodies, I hope that you will hear me and believe this one truth.

3:36

No script, no strategy, no outfit, no diet will help you more than having your mind shifted and changed by truth.

We are Kingdom women.

If by grace through faith you walk with God, you cannot believe that Jesus plus a diet, or Jesus plus a plan, or Jesus plus a magic pair of pants, or Jesus plus ignoring how you feel will bring you freedom.

4:09

Jesus is enough.

He paid the price on the cross for our freedom.

And when we say, oh, I get that that's freedom, I get that he bought my freedom, but I also need to do XY and Z.

When we start to add in other parts of what actually will make us feel free, we really cheapen the gospel, and we really cheapen the sacrifice Jesus paid for us.

4:36

And so I say this to say now, that doesn't mean that we don't agree with freedom.

It doesn't mean that we don't come into alignment with freedom in our bodies and in the way that we move and in the way that we speak and in the way that we live.

But it has to start with the spiritual, and it honestly has to start with what we believe to be true about our bodies.

4:58

So I cannot encourage you enough to get truth, biblical truth, in your mind about your body.

This is why I wrote Breaking Free From Body Shame, because I wanted women to have a concise place where they could read the true gospel, the True, honest thoughts about what freedom looks like and about what God says about our bodies and their purpose and how we get to move and live in them.

5:21

And from my perspective, I had seen so many Christians talking about this.

And what they were saying was just a little to the left of the gospel or just a little to the right of freedom.

And I wanted one space where women could go and hear truth to have their minds renewed by the power of God's word.

5:41

If you haven't read Breaking Free from Body Shame, this is my encouragement.

You're listening to a podcast.

So you're an audio girl.

Get the audio book.

I read it to you.

I coach you along the way.

I would just love to be on your team before this season even really, totally kicks off.

5:58

This is the one thing I noticed about women walking and freedom from writing, breaking free, and now watching women experience it and express the healing that God has brought to them.

The pathway to freedom almost always looks like this.

6:14

You have your mind changed, which means you know truth, then your behavior changes, then your feelings change.

So what a lot of us are experiencing when we're saying like, I feel heavy about the holiday season, or I'm dreading it, or I'm just discouraged, or I feel shame, or I feel bad, or I feel this, or I feel that we're only focusing on our feelings, but that if we start with our feelings, we will continue to be discouraged.

6:42

Let God change your mind.

Don't take my word for it.

Get in God's word.

If it's not breaking free from body shame, do your own biblical study, but hear truth from God, because he's the one who made your body.

And you and I, we don't live in America or Canada or Africa or London or Australia.

6:59

We live in the Kingdom, and we agree with Kingdom rules more than any other cultural rules.

So get truth #1, have your mind changed and no truth, and then #2 then start to change your behavior.

But so many of us are like, I just don't feel free or like, I feel shame or I feel this or I feel bad and that those feelings, specifically feelings of shame, never lead to life change.

7:26

Now when I say change your behavior, what I'm not talking about is behavior modification.

I'm not talking about, like, eating less and moving more.

I'm not talking about, you know, like getting dressed and saying like, oh, I look so cute.

I'm saying like, come into alignment with Kingdom principles and the way that you live your life.

7:45

Get dressed like you're a woman in the Kingdom.

Move your body like you're a woman in the Kingdom.

Speak life over yourself and others like you're a woman of the Kingdom.

When we start with truth and then we start to live in alignment with what God said, then the feelings shift.

8:02

But I do believe it is possible, and I do believe it doesn't have to take years and years and years.

I think that knowing truth, acting free often leads to feeling free really quickly.

All right.

That being said, I'm not going to read the whole book of Breaking Free from Body Shame to you.

8:19

I mean, I I will.

If you buy the audio book, I'll read the whole thing to you.

But I want to give you some core truths that again, I want you to check my math.

I want you to go to God's word.

I want you to know this to be true for yourself.

But I want to give you some core truths to just really have in your heart and in your mind as you move into this season #1.

8:40

Your body is good.

When God made it, he looked at you, not in surprise, not in confusion, not in fear.

And he said this is good.

He knew it was good.

And guess what?

8:55

He wasn't glorifying you.

He was glorifying himself Because He is the Creator and He has not changed his mind about his creation.

If you have neglected your body, if you have abused your body, if time and the effects of a fallen world have damaged your body, he has not changed his mind about what he called it.

9:18

Your body is still good.

We can't undo the label, the name.

We can't take it off.

What we can do is begin to come more into agreement with the name that we've been given.

And so, if you haven't heard me say this about walking in freedom from body shame, my entire spiel is this.

9:38

You can live your entire life trying to make your body good, or you can live your entire life agreeing that it already is.

And that's it.

That's the shift.

So #1 your body is good, #2 hold on to your hats.

9:55

Bodies change.

They just do.

We live under the effects of a fallen world, so this means that we experience gravity, aging, weight gain, inflammation, our bodies shifting.

10:11

Many of us have experienced our bodies changing through childbirth or hormones or stress or trauma.

Your body changing does not mean that you are weak or that there's something wrong with you.

It means that you're alive and that you're living in a broken and fallen world. #3 Bodies often experience inflammation and swelling during seasons of celebration.

10:40

Listen, you might not see this in scripture directly.

I don't know.

Check the Book of Ecclesiastes.

But you would definitely see this as a scientific principle.

If you're going to go to a party and you're going to go to a celebration and you're going to have some cookies and you're going to have a glass of wine and you're going to stay up a little bit later or you're going to eat cinnamon rolls with your kids, your body is going to experience a little bit of inflammation and swelling.

11:03

You get to decide how much of that is life giving for you.

For me, I don't play with gluten.

I don't do a lot of sugar.

It's not great for my body.

But you better believe on Christmas morning I'm going to cuddle up next to my kids and eat a cinnamon roll the size of my face because it's what we do and it's life giving.

11:19

And that's freedom for me.

That might not be freedom for you.

The thing I'm not going to do is 4 hours later beat myself up.

When I feel a little bit different in my body, I'm going to say, listen, that was a necessary evil and it was worth it.

I got to enjoy God's creation.

11:35

I got to enjoy my people, and I got to enjoy the sweet memory that we always make together.

Truth #4, say it with me, man.

I wish we were all in a in a church right now.

I'd make you say it back to me.

You do not have to earn your food.

11:52

I'll say it one more time.

You do not have to earn your food.

You want to go on a run on Thanksgiving morning?

Praise God, so do I.

But you are not doing it to earn your capacity to eat.

Your ability to nourish your body is a God-given gift.

12:10

It's actually how he designed you.

We do not earn our food and we do not pay for it.

If I can encourage you with anything right now, if you're listening to the sound of my voice, eradicate this language from your vocabulary.

We don't earn our food and we don't work it off.

12:26

We eat because God is kind and He gives us food to nourish our bodies.

We eat because God is kind and He gives us food as a way to feast and enjoy His creation.

We can eat to the glory of God and not have to pay for it or say we were bad, or say that we now somehow have to punish ourselves.

12:48

This is actually I couldn't record an entire podcast right now, but I do want to tell you it it is actually against the heart of the gospel.

Do not say you have to pay for, earn or work off food.

Amen.

Amen.

13:05

Truth #5 I want to give you.

You don't live for approval, You live from it.

So if you're going into a family situation, or you're going to a party, or you're getting ready for family pictures and you feel like you just want someone to look at you and say that you're good, or say that you look beautiful, or say that you've done well, or say that they think you've worked hard or say they think you're a success, I want to give you the bad news and the good news.

13:34

The bad news is, that's never going to be enough for you because your heart was not made for human approval.

It doesn't actually bring peace.

It might momentarily, but then there's going to be an emptiness when you realize you have to keep working to make other people happy, to make other people happy with you.

13:57

You if by grace through faith you walk with God, you work from approval from God's first name that he wrote over your life.

This is good.

She's my daughter.

In her I am delighted and blessed.

And if that approval is not enough for you to walk into every room and every situation and every party and every photo shoot, and no, I am loved, I'm delighted in I was called good by the triune godhead who created the world.

14:33

I don't know that anyone else's approval is ever going to be enough for you.

Is it going to take time for our minds and our hearts to get out of the pattern of craving that approval from others?

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Now, all these years later, do I still find myself wanting particular people to look at me and say I look pretty, or that I've done good, or that I'm successful?

14:54

I do.

But this far in, I also know that it never works.

It never pleases me, it never leaves me at ease.

And so instead, before I go to the photos, before I go to the pictures, before I go to the party, before I go to the family, I fill up on the presence and pleasure of God.

15:12

And that sends me into every room, knowing I'm free, I'm loved, and I'm sent there on purpose to be the light of the world, not to receive the warm love and light from other people that I need.

15:28

Because I got it all from God already.

Amen.

Your body is good.

Bodies change.

Bodies experience inflammation and swelling during seasons of celebration.

That's normal.

You don't have to earn your food, and you do not live for the approval of others.

15:47

You live from the approval of God, all right?

Before we get into the real nitty gritty of how we're going to live free this holiday season, I want to encourage you with one more coaching prompt.

I want to encourage you to go ahead right now and think with the end of this season in mind.

16:06

For me, the end of the holiday season is January 2nd.

I like to say my favorite time of year is November 1st to January 2nd.

And to me it's celebration, It's anticipation, it's more time with family, it's decor, it's fun outfits, It's all the things.

16:22

Just spending time with the people I love and celebrating what God did for us when He sent a son.

But I want you to think about whatever that day is for you.

If it's January 2nd or if it's later in January, if it's, I don't know, December 26th.

Also, I know some of you guys take your Christmas decorations out on December 26th.

16:39

I also value that.

But I want to ask you this.

How do you want to feel when it's over?

Do you want to have coward and fear because you didn't like how your clothes fit?

Do you want to have moved and lived in freedom during this season?

16:56

Do you want to feel like you are a bitter person who was victimized the whole holiday season because you just had to take and listen to what everyone said about them?

Do you want to feel like a leader?

Do you want to feel like a chain breaker?

Do you want people to have said, oh she looks so skinny or I could tell she lost weight?

17:16

Or do you want people to have said man, she looked free?

I want you to think about this question and I want you to keep it in mind through the holiday season.

How do you want to feel when it's over?

I cannot tell you what is right for you or what is freedom for you.

Freedom that is legislated is not freedom, It's legalism.

17:35

You have to figure out what freedom looks like for you.

But when I ask this question, I know all of these things to be true.

I want to have had the cinnamon roll on Christmas.

I want to have not worried that I've celebrated a couple of different times throughout the season.

I want to have moved a lot and enjoyed my body.

17:53

Not because I'm earning or proving anything, but because that makes me feel alive and free.

I do not want to have spent an hour before every party feeling funky about my body and so I'm not going to.

I just refuse to waste my time doing it anymore.

I don't want to have low tip family pictures or pictures from any kind of party or Christmas morning and critique them.

18:14

I don't want to spend my time doing that.

I want to go into January 2nd as free as God has made me, and I want to feel as free as God has made me.

And I want to have been a light and an encouragement to the women around me who might not know how free they are.

18:31

We're going to take a quick break and then when we come back, we'll get into all the particulars about how we actually live free in this season.

Friends, I am so excited that here on the Jess Connolly Podcast we are partnering with Compassion International and we want to invite you into that partnership as well.

18:54

I believe in Compassion's mission to release children from poverty in Jesus name, and I am so grateful to say that I've seen the impact myself.

One of my favorite things to do every couple of months is to get a letter from my sponsored child.

And it's just a joy to hear her life, to hear how God is moving in her life.

19:13

And I'm so grateful to invite you into this as well.

We're not just changing the lives of children when we partner with compassion, we're changing entire families.

We're getting to partner with God as he does that.

Whole communities, the local church, all of it.

19:29

When you sponsor a child through compassion, you are ensuring access to quality education, medical checkups, healthy food, clean water, and most importantly, discipleship.

They get to hear about the love of Jesus from a local church in their community.

19:45

I hope you'll join me in sponsoring a child through compassion.

All you have to do right now is pull out your phone, open up a text and text the word Jess Jess 283393.

You will immediately actually get back a text with a picture of a child who is waiting for sponsorship and.

20:05

And a link to sponsor that child.

Again, pull out your phone, open a text, and type the word Jess to the phone number 83393.

You can also go to compassion.com/jess to choose a specific boy or girl to sponsor.

20:22

When you sponsor a child, Compassion is actually going to send you a copy of my book.

You are the girl for the job as a thank you for investing in the life of this child.

This is a win.

Win.

Win.

You get to help a specific child see a community, a family and a local church.

20:41

Carry out the mission of Jesus and you get a copy of you or the girl for the job if you already have one.

Give it to a friend.

Thank you for joining me and sponsoring a child through compassion.

I'm so glad we get to do this together.

So here's what I did.

I went to Instagram and I said, hey, I'm going to record a podcast episode about body image and freedom and the holidays.

21:04

What questions or concerns or pain points do you have?

And I almost wept reading through them.

I actually don't know that I've ever gotten so many responses on a question I've asked on Instagram.

I at my best estimate there are hundreds.

21:20

Could be 1000.

I will say they all almost centered around the same issues.

There weren't a ton of outliers.

So we're going to hit the hardest first because I believe it's a real issue for most of us.

So the very first thing we're going to talk about is comments from family or friends or community about our bodies, about their bodies and about our children's bodies.

21:49

So the first thing I want to encourage you right now is that one thing you can do before we ever step into this holiday season.

Is it if you have people in your life who maybe like you, notice you guys all struggle with this or it's been a pattern in the past.

If by grace through faith they walk with God they love Jesus, send them this podcast right now and say listen, I have struggled with this in the past.

22:12

I really want us to do differently.

Will you listen to this and we can talk about it together?

Because the truth is, none of us are blameless in this area and we can go humbly to our people and say, I I've struggled with this.

I'm not accusing you.

22:28

I'm saying I want us all to do better.

You can send them a screenshot right now and say, hey, let's listen to this and let's talk about how we can love each other and love God well in the way we talk this holiday season.

22:43

The second thing I want to tell you is that I am so sorry for how people have talked about their bodies and your bodies, and I have so much compassion and so much grief with you in this and more than that.

23:02

Not that you need to hear it from me.

I want you to know that your father is so sorry for how you've been wounded in this way.

God never delights in any of his kids speaking death or discouragement or shame over one another.

23:20

And so if you have perceived him as frustrated or careless or unkind or unloving, he's not.

I believe he is a just God.

I believe he is angry when any of his kids speak death or shame over each other.

23:37

That being said, he is compassionate when we repent and choose to change.

And that's good news for you and I, because, again, we have not been blameless in this.

At the top of this conversation.

We can make everybody else the villain, and we can talk about the aunt or the grandpa or the husband of your friend.

23:58

We can talk about your mom or your sister or the rude friend who still doesn't know how to speak life.

And we can make every single one of them the villain.

But the truth is, the enemy of our souls is the only enemy here.

24:14

And this is a cultural problem that all of us were born into.

It didn't originate in our families, it didn't originate in the media, it originated in the garden.

When the enemy came to Adam and Eve and said, is that what God told you?

24:33

Is that what God told you?

So if before you go into the holiday season, you can have compassion for the people in your life who do not speak life and do not speak freedom.

If you can have compassion for them and say, Oh my gosh, I wonder how wounded and how heavy this must be for them.

24:51

That they believe this is inappropriate to, that they believe this is appropriate to say it will serve you not only to set boundaries, but also to not walk into it bitter and fearful and frustrated.

That being said, I don't believe that having compassion for them means we don't set boundaries.

25:12

And I don't believe that having grace and compassion for people who speak death means that we allow them to keep doing it.

So I'm going to give you a few options for each of these scenarios.

I want to say really quick a caveat when I start talking about people commenting on our bodies.

25:30

And again, this is a really helpful conversation starter.

If you want to send this to people in your life.

A lot of you said, hey, it's not just that my family or my friends, et cetera, say that I look like I've gained weight or I look like my body has changed, or when am I going to lose the baby weight or make negative comments about what I put on my plate or what I'm doing in my body.

25:54

It's actually also that they're making positive comments and that is harmful to me.

And I want to just say in the name of Jesus a non Kingdom minded positive comment about my body is sometimes often more wounding than a -1.

26:10

And I feel this as someone who has struggled with disordered eating, as someone who knows what I've weighed every single day of my life.

When people make overly positive, non Kingdom minded comments about my body, especially in past seasons when I've been struggling with disordered eating, it's actually more wounding it.

26:32

It encouraged me to keep going in the negative behavior very often.

Now that being said, of course, do I think people mean well?

I do.

But around the time that I started to experience a lot of freedom from body image issues, I had a couple of friends who are so kind to say, hey, can I ask what you would like me to say?

26:53

Or can I ask, like, what is appropriate to say?

Like so sweetly?

I had a friend say, Does it make you feel funky if I say you look hot today?

And I was like, thank God you asked, but no, I love that harmful comments for me are like, oh, you're so skinny or you're skinny, Minnie.

27:08

Like, that is actually not helpful because skinny is not the aim of my life.

Living fully awake is so I think having this conversation ahead of time again of like what is life giving and what is not With so much grace, We're not trying to be conversation police in our communities and that will not make people feel free.

27:28

But saying, hey, can I tell you what's been harmful for me in the past?

And can you tell me maybe what's been harmful for you in the past?

And can we love each other well and land on some things?

Now, I know that not everybody in your life you're going to be able to have this conversation with, which is why this is not the only option.

I'm giving you one of my favorite tools.

27:44

When somebody comments on my body, positively or negatively, in a way that is harmful to me is I say one word, interesting, Interesting.

If someone that I don't know but I don't feel like correcting or I don't even necessarily want to walk with for the long haul.

28:01

So I'm not going to pull them aside and say like hey, don't do that again.

If they say like, oh, you look like you're gaining a little bit of weight, which I don't know why people would say that in the year of our Laura 2023 but they do or like oh you're so tiny.

Ha ha whatever.

A word I will use is, oh, interesting.

28:20

And what I feel like the word interesting does is it creates A buffer between me and them.

We're number one.

I'm not accepting what they have to say, but I'm not also invested enough that I want to full on correct them.

And I'm not taking on that mental and emotional load and responsibility to kind of be their shepherd in this area.

28:38

But it also creates a buffer where they don't necessarily know if that was the right thing to say.

And hopefully for many people, in the name of Jesus, even if it's subconsciously, they'll receive that and they'll say like, oh, maybe that maybe that wasn't the thing to say.

28:55

So a lot of times I will just say interesting, I don't mind being a little awkward.

So I'm going to tell you, sometimes it's very appropriate to walk away, especially if someone is saying something degrading or harmful and you don't have a relationship with them or you don't feel like they would hear you if you had a conversation with them.

29:12

You literally can just walk away.

And if any of you are sitting at home and saying like, oh, I don't want to be rude, I actually don't think it's rude to remove yourself from a simple conversation.

I really don't.

And honestly, if God wants to check me on that when I get to heaven, I'm so willing to be wrong.

But I think it's actually wise.

29:30

We see so much in proverbs about like don't answer a fool, like don't engage with a fool.

So if someone is acting a fool in their words and you might act a fool back, if you use your words, just walk away.

Number one, you can say interesting #2, you can walk away, #3, you can change the conversation.

29:48

You can not respond and just say like, oh, what's that over there?

I don't think that this is necessarily passive.

For some of us it might be passive, but I think more than anything, it's owning what we do and don't want to shepherd people through.

And there are a lot of people that I do not feel like it's my responsibility to teach them how to talk to me.

30:07

If someone's in my life and they hear from God and they're humble, or maybe they're not even believers, but I feel like I don't know.

I'm close enough with them that I could say, like, hey, please, please don't do that again.

And here's why.

And that won't be an exhausting situation for me.

30:23

I will talk them through it.

But if I don't perceive that I have that authority or that they're going to listen to me or they're going to follow my leadership in this, I will again either say interesting or I'll walk away, or I'll just change the conversation.

Number 4, you can calmly explain why it's not helpful.

30:41

My biggest encouragement to you here is do not do it in the moment, mostly for your benefit, but also because almost no one receives correction.

Well in the heat of the moment.

Pull people aside and do it in a neutral and a humble way.

30:56

What we're not going to do is fight shameless shame.

Let me say it again.

What we're not going to do is fight shameless shame.

So we're not going to go to our mothers, We're not going to go to our aunts, We're not going to go to our sisters.

We're not going to go to our grandpa and say, like, you're the worst.

You always do XY and Z.

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They might have really been harmful and hurtful to you in the past, and I want to massively encourage you to process this with God and maybe a safe person, but I cannot advocate for you using shame for two reasons.

Number one, it's not good for your soul and #2, it will not lead them to change.

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So do not fight shame with shame.

That's what we do.

If people comment on our bodies, those are a few different suggestions.

What do we do if people are commenting on their bodies?

Because again, thank God, in the year of our Lord 2023, most humans know we can't comment on people's bodies anymore.

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So the very next thing we're going to really encounter is people commenting on their own bodies.

You've got a couple of options here.

Again, #1 change the conversation.

Don't engage.

Don't respond, don't say like, Oh yeah, that you do look like that or like, Oh no, you're so great.

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I will actually tell you this.

If someone speaks death about their body in front of me, I may gently correct them and I'm gonna show you how I do this really gently.

What I do not do is try to negate what they've just said with a non Kingdom principle.

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So if somebody says to me like Oh my gosh, my thighs are out of control, what I am not gonna say back to her is like, Oh my gosh, no, girl, your thighs look great because then I'm trying to deal with a worldly untruth with another worldly truth.

What I want to do is give them a Kingdom principle.

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So really the most common way that I'm gonna if I'm gonna say something is I'm gonna say like, hey, don't talk about my friend like that or I'll say like, hey, don't talk about my blank like that.

I love your good body or your body is good.

God said so.

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I will say a Kingdom truth, but I'm not gonna answer it with a worldly truth.

Cause guess what?

Number one, engaging back with them with a worldly truth.

It's actually not helpful.

And #2, it doesn't shift the conversation in a life giving way.

You can also again pull them aside in a neutral setting and say like hey, it super bums me out when you talk about your body like that.

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I will go so far as in a neutral setting with people.

I love that.

Again, I feel like you're going to hear from me.

I will say, let me walk this all the way out for you.

When you talk about your arms like that, I actually happen to know my arms are bigger than yours.

And I believe my arms are good.

I believe my arms are strong and healthy and they do God's work.

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When you talk about your arms like that, it makes me feel like I I should feel shame about my arms.

I'll walk it all the way out for them.

And again, I'm really only doing this with people that I perceive will hear me and will respond well, because if I don't think they're going to, I don't necessarily want to spend my emotional energy trying to change a mind that can't be changed.

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What do we do when people talk about our kids bodies?

So this is where I'm going to be very tender with you and I'm going to tell you that you and I as adults in the name of Jesus, have the capacity to accept or reject things that are spoken over us.

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You and I in the name of Jesus have the capacity to speak truth.

Even if we can't say something out loud, we can get somewhere private and talk to God and speak truth over ourselves.

Children do not have the same authority over their own lives and so their parents need them to help.

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That being said, the hard line I draw is if anybody talks about my kids bodies, I'm not cute about it.

I'm not going to just change the conversation.

I am going to remove my kids from that situation.

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I am going to speak truth over them.

I'm going to give them space to talk about it and we are going to do whatever we need to do to not put them in that situation.

Again, I know that for some of you, this sounds really, really, really extreme.

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And you might be thinking like, well, I wouldn't go to any of my family's house for the holidays.

And I just want to say, sometimes it takes a really extreme conversation to see chains break, to see life change, and your kids and their hearts and the messages they're receiving about their bodies are so incredibly important.

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Here's the other thing.

Depending on your kids age, you can have a conversation with them about this and some of you might be feeling grief right now because you haven't protected your kids in the past and I'm right there with you.

There are so many situations where I have deep regret about not protecting my kids more, but now I get to have the conversation.

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I've had my mind changed.

My kids get to see me repent, which is so incredibly important.

And now, from now on, they get to see me actively be on their team and take care of them.

In this way you can have gracious, calm, pre conversations with people who have not spoken life over your kids.

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You can correct them in the moment.

You can remove yourself from the situation.

But please do not be gentle with protecting your kids and the messages they're receiving about their bodies.

Do be gentle with your kids when they receive messages about their body.

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Amen.

Amen.

Let's talk about confidence in pictures and parties.

How do you feel confident in pictures and at parties?

So let's just hit it head on, friends.

I just want to say right now, with all the work that I've gotten to do with all of the women I've gotten to talk to, let's be honest with all the men I've gotten to talk to with body image issues.

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Because statistics say 97% of women struggle with body image issues and 95% of men struggle with body image issues.

I want to tell you this one universal truth I've found after people lose weight, or after they get something fixed in their face, or after they find the perfect outfit, or after they change their hair completely, they still don't feel confident.

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For many of us, you know this to be true, that you might have done like an extreme diet and then realized like, Oh my gosh, now I really have body image issues.

And that's because the way we feel about our bodies is a Kingdom issue.

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It's not a worldly issue.

God made the bodies.

The enemy of our souls is the one trying to speak shame over us.

So earthly fixes do not equate to Kingdom confidence.

Here is the good news.

You can walk into a picture session.

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You can walk into a party.

You can walk into a family gathering, feeling full of Kingdom confidence, right as you are today.

You can load up on truth.

You can determine what actually makes a woman feel comfortable.

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You can go into every space saying like, I'm a there you are person, not a here I am person.

I'm not coming in here for you to judge me.

I'm not coming in here for you to say whether I'm good.

I work from approval, not for approval.

So I can come into every space full of Holy Spirit empowered confidence that says I was placed here on purpose.

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I'm a world changer.

I'm a Lightbringer.

I'm a live speaker.

And that kind of confidence enables us to take up space, to love other people well, to celebrate in the face of the lies the enemy is telling you.

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I want to just say something right now.

If you're asking like, how or Oh my gosh, how would I?

Number one, I need you to eradicate that defeat from your mindset.

I need you to know that God is enough for you.

I need you to believe that Holy Spirit is enough for you not to maybe feel confident five years from now, but to maybe feel confident today.

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In the name of Jesus.

Get in God's word, Get in His presence.

Spend some time in worship.

Have your mind changed, get fired up about the shame the enemy is trying to weigh you down with.

And in the name of Jesus, fight for wild, godly Kingdom confidence today.

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But do not believe and break ties with the lies that it will come when you are a certain size, when you have a certain outfit, when you fit some cultural idea of beauty.

Because guess what, the bar keeps changing.

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Culture keeps changing its mind about what beautiful is.

So we're never going to be enough unless we start from a Kingdom perspective that says by grace through faith.

We walk with God.

Our bodies were made good by the Holy Spirit that hovered over the water at creation And the Jesus who is our Savior and friend and hung on a cross and rose from the grave with redemption in hand.

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And our Father who is kind and compassionate and crafted us with creativity and intention.

And that's enough to feel confident when you walk into a space.

How do we do this?

Number one, you need to speak life over yourself. #2 You need to get confident taking up space.

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You might need to buy some clothes that fit.

If you feel like you're constantly trying to fit a mold that's not working for you, you might need to stop trying to put on things that make you feel uncomfortable or make you feel like you're not enough.

You might need to speak some affirmations that are scripture based and Kingdom minded.

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Before you go somewhere.

You might need to ask the purpose of why you're going there again.

Am I going there for approval?

Am I going there to be loved?

Am I going there to be light?

But I want to hand you the CHEAT SHEET and all of this that honestly, you and I know.

But we need somebody to remind us every once in a while.

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The most confident women are not the most beautiful women.

The most confident women are the ones who show up and say I'm here on purpose.

I'm already loved.

I'm here to love other people and when they walk out of the room they leave the aroma of Christ behind them and it's beautiful.

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So I don't mean to over spiritualize how you feel confident and pictures and at parties, but I do actually believe it's a spiritual practice.

Here are some other tips.

When you're getting your pictures taken, do not speak death over yourself.

Just don't do it.

If you notice yourself stressing, say like, oh, in the name of Jesus.

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I break ties with this, striving for approval that I'm trying to make somebody else happy.

Don't do it.

Don't speak death over yourself.

While you're getting dressed for a party.

Don't keep following Instagram accounts that make you feel unworthy and unloved.

Do get more time in the presence of God and spend as much time as you can.

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Which, by the way, in the name of Jesus, we walk with God and we're all celebrating Christmas.

The very good news that our friend and savior Jesus came to die for our sins and raise with our resurrection in hand.

So focus on that.

Spend time with God, Get with Jesus.

Don't forget him.

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This season.

How do we handle so many questions about this?

How do we handle the feelings of like ickiness or uncomfortableness or shame or guilt after over indulging?

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So I don't know if this is where you think I'm going to go, but I'm, I'm going to go there anyhow.

I think that a non Kingdom minded approach to body image, so a secular approach to body image and body freedom would say like just be free girl, just be free.

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Like eat what you want, do what you want, move how you want.

And there's parts of that that I actually totally agree with.

But I think that a lot of us are feeling conviction, not shame.

So I think a lot of us are maybe like putting things in our body alcohol to a like an unhealthy degree or food that like our body really doesn't agree with over and over and over again.

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And we're trying to, like, put a Band-Aid of body image freedom over it, but continually putting things in your body that harm it is actually not freedom.

Because walking in freedom with God says he made my body good and I'm going to continue to treat it like it's good.

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I'm not trying to make it good.

So what I'm not talking about is withholding.

And what I'm not talking about is staying in some kind of, like, standard set of rules that makes everybody else happy.

But I am advocating for knowing what makes your body feel whole and healthy and alive.

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And personally, my personal opinion is I would also advocate for deviating from that at certain times when you want to celebrate and be free.

But the truth is, you know when it's freedom and you know when it's just maybe not being kind to your body.

And we all know that.

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I know that there's some Saturday mornings where I'm like, man, I'm not going to go on a run.

I just want to sleep and sleep a little bit longer and read my Bible and have a cup of coffee.

And that feels like freedom.

And I know the feeling of sometimes when I don't go on a run on Saturday morning and it's because I'm hiding or because I'm actually feeling too much shame to move my good body.

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And only I know the difference in those moments and only you do too.

And only I know the difference in moments when I'm like, oh, I'm eating and drinking to the glory of God, I'm being merry, I'm celebrating, I'm feasting, I'm this is Sabbath, this is celebration.

And only I know when I have those moments.

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And I was like, that was actually trying to indulge, to eat my feelings.

Or that was trying to disengage and not just be awake in the world.

And what happens on the second option is that I have the opportunity to repent and wake up the next morning and say, like, listen, shame off me.

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But like that was not it.

That was not life giving, That was not loving myself well, and it wasn't loving God well.

And so I want to say really clearly that freedom is not harming your body over and over again to the glory of God.

Freedom is knowing how to love your body, how to treat it like it's good, and when in the name of Jesus, you have the freedom to deviate from that plan in the name of celebration.

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Shame and conviction are very different, and the enemy would love for us to mix up the two For us to think conviction is shame, and for us to think shame is conviction.

So know the voice of your father.

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It's loving.

It's kind.

It's compassionate and repenting with God always leads to refreshment, feeling shame and heaviness and bad.

And like we were bad from a cultural standpoint, we actually don't feel relief from that.

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It just grows.

All right, let's close this thing out.

How in the name of Jesus, in the name of freedom, do we get ready for the new year?

Well, here's #1.

Let's decide right now that we are not going to buy into and receive the narrative that we are going to undo all the damage we did in the new year.

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We're not going to do it.

We're not going to wake up on January 1st and be different people.

We're not going to wake up on January 1st and treat our bodies with punitive methods to pay for what we did in December.

We're not playing like that because we don't punish our good bodies.

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We also need to get ready to be sold shame in the form of getting our bodies right.

Get ready for that message and be ready to speak truth about who you are.

A lot of times I will get this question about breaking free from body shame and people will say, OK, Jess, but what if I have not taken care of my body?

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What if I actually do need to get my inflammation down?

What if my body is actually not healthy at this weight?

What if I do need to start moving my body?

I love that you know the voice of truth and that that is also freedom to say I want to.

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I actually want to treat my body like it's good.

I'm not trying to fit any cultural standard.

I'm just trying to honor and steward this good body that I've been given.

Can I give you a huge tip?

Don't stay.

Don't wait till January 1st.

If you know you need to take better care of your body, start today.

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Don't say like, Oh well, Thanksgiving is going to come and then the parties are going to come and then blah blah, Just start today.

Take care of your body today.

Still enjoy the parties.

Try again the next day.

It's not even a failure to say like, I'm going to enjoy.

I'm going to enjoy acting as healthy and as free as I am, and that might mean even adding in some new rhythms.

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And I'm also going to enjoy a party.

I don't know why we write this banner of shame and defeat over our bodies from October 31st to January 1st and we just say like, well, it's all over here.

We're we're talking about what?

Max, you're really busy.

You got like six parties, like 6 meals.

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You're good.

Move your body, take care of yourself, enjoy yourself.

I don't know, maybe some of you guys have like 10 parties.

I think 6 is a lot personally.

But what I'm saying is like enjoy Thanksgiving.

Enjoy a fun latte while you're Christmas shopping.

Enjoy the holiday party, Enjoy the cinnamon rolls with your kids on Christmas morning and also every other day in between.

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Take care of your good body.

Don't wait for January 1st.

Don't come into agreement with this horrible cultural lie that we have to somehow be new Year, new US.

I do not want to be a new me.

January 1st.

I want to be me.

I want to be that God made me to be.

And I love January 1st.

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And I love goals and I love a resolution.

But none of it is about striving or being a different person.

All of it is about stewarding, the life, the relationships, the finances, the body that I've been given in the name of Jesus.

So start today, don't wait for January 1st.

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Amen.

Amen.

All right, friends, I want to pray to close, but I want to tell you this.

There is a link in the show notes where I am going to.

If you fill it out, I'm going to send you some really helpful conversational prompts more than even I've shared today.

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Some phrases, some ideas, some tactics, and I'm going to send them to you in an e-mail.

So you're armed and ready so you have even more language for ideas and things that you can say in sticky conversations that are shame centric.

So find that link in the show notes.

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Or you can look on my social media this week and I will send those to your e-mail inbox.

Let's pray God I thank you that you made our bodies good.

I thank you that you love us and that you don't just want freedom for us, you purchased it on the cross of Christ.

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We want to act and feel and live as free as we are, and we know that that's going to start with our minds being changed.

So renew our minds with the power of your word, Transform us with truth, and then help us to live and act free in the name of Jesus.

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Help us to be compassionate and kind to the people in our lives who have maybe not been kind to us.

Help us to feel the weight of the shame that they must be carrying to and help us to set healthy boundaries and to be wise with our time and to treat the enemy like the enemy.

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And help us to move confidently with Kingdom confidence into every place that you've called us this holiday season.

We love you.

We bless you.

Jesus.

Name friends.

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I'm so grateful you listened to today's episode.

Thanks for spending time with me.

It would mean the world to me to connect with you.

So you can send me Adm on Instagram at Jess A Connolly or head to my website jessconnolly.com for more ways to connect.

If you have a minute to subscribe and leave a review of the podcast wherever you listen, it would massively help us reach more people with the good news that they can live fully awake.

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Let's go.