Episode 20: New Goals, Fresh Grace, Same Us

WELCOME TO OUR PODCAST– THE JESS CONNOLLY PODCAST!

We love the New Year and love goal setting, but we love the gospel and grace more. So we’ve got to let the Good News of Jesus be the banner over any new year and we can’t keep pretending that a self-help equation of striving will keep us from needing Jesus. It’s a new year, there’s fresh grace, and we can even set new goals - but let’s not pretend we need to be or can be completely different people to step into what God has for us in 2024. 

This podcast is for you. It’s not my podcast, it’s ours. It’s for people who crave light-hearted conversations and deeply spiritual truths. It’s for those of us who are busy, tired, waiting, growing, dreaming, working, or praying about what’s next.

Let’s Go. 

Don’t Miss:

The only goal-setting and growth guide you’ll need this year! ⁠Download here!⁠

⁠Life School⁠ is a new coaching community for men and women who are tired + want to keep going. Get your first month of Life School for free when you pre-order two copies of ⁠Tired of Being Tired⁠! Let us know ⁠here that you’ve preordered⁠ and you’ll get your first month of Life School.

Love our podcast? Then we know you’ll love the ⁠GoodHard Story Podcast with Katherine Wolf⁠. Sit in on candid conversations with Katherine, the Hope Heals team, and some beloved guests as they work out what it means to wholeheartedly live a good/hard life.

The Logos Bible Study app contains a powerful Bible study and sermon prep platform that allows you to study Scripture and consult commentaries, devotionals, Bible dictionaries, and more—all from your computer, tablet, or phone. You can get started with the Logos Bible Study app with an 10% off at www.logos.com/jessconnolly.

Episode transcript:

Hey friends, I'm Jess Connolly.

I'm an author, a coach, a Bible teacher and a local church leader.

And I love talking to real people who know what it means to have full lives but also want to walk in abundance.

This podcast is for you.

It's not my podcast, it's ours.

0:19

It's for people who crave light hearted conversations and deeply spiritual truth.

It's for people who are busy, tired, waiting, growing, dreaming, working, or praying about what's next.

Wherever you're listening from, if it's quiet, mundane or busy, I am praying for you.

0:39

And I'm so glad you're here.

Let's go.

Some of us are still processing 2023, and we're not quite ready to take the ground and run fast and furious into 2024.

Some of us are raring to go, eager to see if we can finally be the versions of ourselves we always wanted to be.

1:01

Some of us are exhausted already and we're over the new year, New Year propaganda that continually leaves us feeling like we have to reinvent ourselves.

I love the new year and I love goal setting, but I love the gospel and grace more.

1:18

So we've got to let the good news of Jesus be the banner over any new year, and we can't keep pretending that a self help equation of striving will keep us from needing Jesus.

It's a new year.

There's fresh grace, and we can even set new goals.

1:37

But let's not pretend we need to be or can be completely different people to step into what God has for us in this year.

During this episode, I'm joined by my best friend and husband, Nick, and we're going to share some honest updates about what we've been going through, how we're starting this year, and how we're moving forward to see growth in our lives as we walk with Jesus.

2:01

We're so glad you're here.

Let's go.

Nick Connolly, welcome back to the podcast.

Hi, so good to be here.

We're going to start this episode off and I want to give you guys a picture.

When we usually record the podcast, it's super official.

2:17

We're in our blue chairs.

There's like all kinds of people here I have make up on this is not how we're recording that episode.

Heck no.

You and I.

Comfy clothes.

Comfy clothes on the sofa.

Coffee and tea.

Drinking coffee and tea?

2:33

I'll let you guess which one's which.

I wish I was drinking coffee.

But I wanted to start before we even talk about New Year stuff, I wanted to let's do a little life update, Let's do a little family update.

How much are you willing to share about the last two months of our lives?

2:52

AKA 35 days.

The last 35 days.

Yes, I'll share anything and everything.

I'm an open book.

Where shall I start When I was 5?

I'll start here and I'll say you might have seen on social media, you might have totally missed it, but I posted that November was a really hard month for us.

3:14

We had a couple of hospital visits.

Just a few.

And it was November was a challenging month.

December so far has brought the light.

On the mend.

But in your words, what would you say happened?

Well, I jokingly said when should I start?

3:30

When I was 5I, I'd actually did a week intensive counselling and really dove into, you know, it's one thing to address the symptoms, but I think I was really interested in the root of it all.

And so on November 17th, we had a normal Friday.

3:46

We were doing life and.

Unfortunately, what was a normal Friday?

It wasn't a It wasn't a normal Friday for most people, but it was a normal Friday for.

Us.

Yeah, yeah.

I remember going and working out that morning and just having like a a decent workout and then did the day.

4:03

You know, normally Fridays are a Sabbath, but that particular day, I had to speak at one of our favorite ministries scene moms.

And so we did the thing at See Mom spoke and and love everything that they're they're doing there.

And then you and I went on a date at one of our favorite restaurants in Charleston.

4:22

Yeah.

And sat at the bar, had great conversation.

But I think even just leading up to that point, I think I had mentioned to you a few times that like, I just felt anxious.

Yeah, in my body.

Like I I I didn't have any reason.

I mean, I did have reason to be anxious, but I just was feeling super anxious in my body.

4:39

I just, it was the first time I had kind of really felt that I'd also, I'd always had like like a stiff neck or or like just physical ailments that I think we're due to stress.

But I just, this was the first time that I felt it in my body.

So we got home and I remember I sat on the couch and you were doing a few things before we got ready for bed.

4:59

And I remember I was like, I don't know if I don't think I'm going to tell her.

Like, I just felt off and I was like, I don't know, I don't think I'm going to say anything.

It's probably nothing.

And then all of a sudden out of nowhere, shout out to Apple Watches.

5:15

My heart rate went from 60 to 160 in sitting.

Like I was sitting on the couch and so we called.

We were actually texting with a medical friend that knows a lot about medicine at the time and doctor stuff.

And we were.

We were just trying to process whether this is nothing or should we call someone.

5:34

Well, my heart decided that it was ready to call someone.

And so we called EMS and they came in.

Blood pressure was shooting high, heart rate was through the roof.

I felt super flush and light headed like I was going to pass out.

And we jumped into a back of an ambulance and headed to the hospital and we were there.

5:54

I think it was 10:00 PM to 5:00 AM.

We were at the hospital and they ran all kinds of tests and they ran them twice.

And the good news that came back was there was no stress to the heart or there was nothing going on with the heart that was concerning to them.

6:12

But obviously, you know, anytime that happens, you follow up with a cardiologist.

And so we went to see a cardiologist, got good, good news that nothing was crazy wrong.

They wanted me to wear a heart monitor.

And so we started to head towards the Thanksgiving holidays.

There were some things that were wrong.

6:29

Yeah, yeah, just like.

We knew about some pre-existing conditions about your heart that we knew about but were more advanced than we knew.

Yeah, And so monitoring all the things and we headed towards Thanksgiving.

Did Thanksgiving fine.

6:45

It was good to be with family.

Did our yearly Thanksgiving.

No, we don't have a Turkey trout.

We have like a a wobble walk or something, I don't really call it.

And we did that and everything was fine.

And then, you know, the next day we woke up and you and I went on a walk, which is something we love to do, is a long walk.

7:03

And we got towards the end of that long walk and it happened again.

I remember before we left my cardiologist, I just said, hey, how if it happens again, how long should we wait, what should we do?

And she said, you know, if it happens more than an hour, let's call.

7:19

And so we were.

We got back home and I sat down and was trying to breathe through everything and and try to really, you know, slow down what was happening.

And I couldn't.

And so then we got another ambulance to the hospital, Yeah.

7:37

And that began a four hour episode of my heart rate going up, my heart rate going down, my heart rate going up, my heart rate going.

Down really intense.

Really.

Painful for you it was.

It was really, really hard.

And again, got to the end of it.

Everything settled down.

7:53

I think we were again, multiple, multiple hours at the hospital.

Yeah.

They determined again that nothing was wrong with, like there was no duress to my heart.

And then we left and got home.

And I remember trying to force feed myself a bowl of oatmeal, just 'cause I hadn't eaten all day.

8:12

And it was like 4:00 PM And I just, I just couldn't, couldn't.

He couldn't do anything.

And what happened again was it started up again at home.

Yeah.

And that was the first time that I was like, oh, I think I am having panic attacks.

8:28

Yeah.

And not only am I having panic attacks, like, I cannot go to the hospital.

Yeah.

Again.

Like, I just the hospital is not the solution.

Yeah, I know.

Everything's OK, but everything's not OK.

Yeah.

And I remember, I think we put on some, like, worship music that night.

8:47

Yeah, I was like, breathing through it.

Was that the night that The Great British Bake Off, like, set it off or was that a different night?

That was that night?

Yeah.

We were trying to watch good old Paul Hollywood and The Great British Bake Off or baking Show.

And I just remember it just happened out of nowhere again.

9:03

And and that was the moment that I realized that, like this was, this was physical, but it was manifesting from somewhere spiritual.

Yeah.

And then that and.

Mental.

And mental.

Emotional, yeah.

And And then that began probably 10 to 15 days of hell.

9:20

That's what I was going to say.

I think it was 12 days.

Yeah.

It's 12 days until you left for the counselling intensive.

Yes.

And I would say it was 12 days that we have not known anything like in our entire marriage.

Yeah, I I was not sleeping.

I couldn't eat.

9:37

I couldn't eat.

I had never experienced spiritual attack like that.

I just remember being awake all night and literally journaling for hours, walking around our dining room and living room, reciting scripture over and over again, telling the enemy to flee from me.

9:56

I remember like, saying the name of Jesus over and over and over again.

And I just remember, you know, when the morning came, it was almost like things broke.

And every, every day.

And I would try to get like an hour or two of sleep.

And then that was what it was for 12 days, yeah.

10:18

It was really difficult.

Yeah, I mean you you were.

I can't imagine what it was like for you.

I mean, I physically I was going through it, but I I think just because I wasn't in a good place, you were having to do double the load and watch me and so I just can't imagine what that would have been like.

10:35

Well, I think anytime somebody you love is in so much pain and I could just, I mean, you are just in so much anguish.

And when I tell people about it privately, what I say is it was wild to watch someone who really never felt stressed, like that's not a feeling you would have used.

10:53

In.

The top 50 words about how you're doing, you're very calm, very collected, yeah.

And watching someone who's really never felt stressed, never had a panic attack all of a sudden have, you know, multiple a day, my heart was so broken for you.

11:10

And also I've never seen anyone go like go down so quick.

Oh man, yeah.

But like, you know, just it came out of nowhere.

But not.

And you know, the piece that I feel like is helpful to talk about on the podcast and and to share with people is, you know, not only do we have 4 kids, not only do we lead a church, our church was incredible.

11:34

They all stepped in and said like, you know, you're off indefinitely.

Whatever you need from us.

Other pastors stepped in and said what do you need from us?

Like we'll help lead your church right now.

But I think I felt like this insurmountable weight of 2024 is coming.

11:52

Yeah, your book Don't Give Up Just Yet, comes out in February.

And that's why I said, hey, why don't we talk about this on the podcast today?

Because like, one of the things is you weren't able to start your podcast.

Oh my God.

Because of this, you were supposed to start a podcast.

And the irony of it is, I wanted to start a podcast where I could, like, help people.

12:10

Yeah, process stress and the hard things in life.

And this time I was on the mat.

Yeah.

And I and I felt like God was giving me that scripture mark, too.

It was the 1st passage that we ever spoke on in our church was the four people that brought the guy on the mat to Jesus by tearing him through the roof.

12:30

And I just, I just kept sensing like oh man, I'm I'm on the mat.

Like this is for for years I've I've carried other people and tried to love other people and tried to help other people.

And not that, not that people haven't helped me, but but this time I am on the mat.

12:48

Like, there's never been a time in your life where you've you've really had to tap out like that.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

What I want to say from watching you that I want, you know, I can't let a breath go by.

And then I want you to talk a little bit about like the resolution and healing and what's next.

But from watching you, what I would tell people when they would say, like, how is Nick doing?

13:09

I would say, like, he is who you thought he was.

I've never seen him fight.

I've never seen anyone fight like this.

You fought spiritually to the point where, I mean, disclosure, there were times when I was like, baby, you gotta stop praying.

You gotta stop reading the Bible.

We need.

He'd be playing worship music for four hours straight.

13:26

And I'd be like, I don't know how to tell you this, but we got to turn on some different music because I think your brain is stuck in a loop or you'd be reading your Bible.

I think you probably read your whole Bible 10 times over that week or those 10 days.

But I was like, can can I get you an Architectural Digest something?

13:43

But you fought physically.

I mean, you, you met with multiple doctors.

You fought communally.

You asked everyone you knew for prayer, for help, for wisdom, for insight.

And now what we're hearing from, like, your doctors and the professionals in your life is that all of those different ways you were fighting physically, spiritually, mentally, like, led to some breakthrough for you.

14:06

Yeah.

So talk a little bit about that.

Yeah, maybe I can start with the intensive is first of all you know Jess and I we we predate the iPhone and all the the fun communication technology in this world.

And so you know, ever since we were in high school -1 time when you went to Beijing, China to visit your dad, we we have talked every day.

14:31

Since 2001. 2001 so 22 years of us talking and so now Fast forward.

I go to this intensive and the first thing you they do when you get there is is take your phone.

So first of all you know as if anyone has ever had panic attacks.

14:49

You know what is so interesting about the panic attack is is actually the panic attack that causes the panic attack or so it's like the the fear that you will have one is like what causes the issues and and so I am.

I am.

15:06

I've been at a place for however many days where that could not function in normal society.

And being alone and being without me was a big trigger.

So, Oh yeah, it was hard for me to leave.

We did.

We didn't leave you alone for 12 days.

You always had somebody with you.

15:22

Crazy.

Yep.

And like, incredible.

People just would come sit with me and watch bad movies and bad football and it was incredible.

But the thought of actually getting on a plane, I was like, I do not know how I'm going to do this.

Yeah.

15:38

How am I gonna do this and so?

But we felt like that's what God was.

That's one of the ways God was like providing for you to fight, was to go to the sentences.

I knew I needed to get on the plane and the second thing was, is how do I sit in a room with other people and talk in in process for six hours a day.

15:59

And so I I had the the goal on the horizon and I'll I'll never forget this is one of the days I was home.

I was like, man, I just I can't be at Bright City but I want to be somehow at church.

And so I I remember our brother-in-law Josh Walters was preaching at his church locally and they have an incredible online experience.

16:19

And so I grabbed a glow and E who were staying home with me that day on a Sunday.

And I said kids or watching church.

And so they came down and of course like halfway paid attention.

But I was I was listening to him preach and he preached on the 10 who were healed, the 10 leopards who were healed and one returned and gave thanks to God.

16:40

And every time I've read that, that passage, I've always paid attention to the one who returned to give thanks.

But in this particular time, I just felt like God was speaking through through Josh, that it was as they went, the healing happened.

16:55

Yeah.

And so that flipped a switch to me to where I knew that every day I probably was not going to want to do the thing that I needed to do.

So if that was like go on a walk, if that was take care of myself, if that was like interact with people.

If that was like showing up at certain things that we had going on, I just knew that the healing would happen as I went.

17:17

And so getting on the plane was a part of the healing process.

Showing up at this intensive was part of the healing process.

Giving them my phone and saying like, hey, for six nights, seven days, I'm I'm gonna focus on me, which was something I'd never done before was a part of the process.

17:37

And I, you know, I was in like regular therapy but this was this was an intensive And so being at this place really opened my eyes up.

You know, based off of some some experiences in my childhood and how I was raised.

I just had a high sense of responsibility for everyone else in my life.

17:56

And so when you Fast forward 35 years into I'm, I'm not, I'm not 35, but remembering my first memories of five.

But you know, as a 40 year old in this season, I think I in 10 years of leading our church, probably 20 years of ministry if not more, I have lived a life where I've really tried to care for and carry people and hold all of their pain and hurt and the things that are going on in their life and trying to do that in a healthy way.

18:30

You know, we always talk about care not carry.

Yeah, it.

Wasn't like we've been buying lies for the last couple decades about like we're responsible for everything.

Yeah, but that feeling does seep into you.

Oh, yeah.

And so at the at the core of it all, as I was focusing on everyone else and making sure everyone else was OK at the detriment of myself.

18:52

And so, you know, with the help of the group that I was in and the person that was there to, to guide us in this therapeutic process, I just was like, man, #1, when you're in your own life, you don't realize how much you've taken on, Yeah, 'cause it's like, oh, this is the plate.

19:10

And you know, you know, with it being coming out of Thanksgiving into the holidays, it was like, man, I was, I was going back for seconds when it came to responsibility just because I wanted to make sure everybody was OK and I probably needed to only have one plate and stuff, you know, seconds and and I think I've just lived a life of seconds when it comes to responsibilities.

19:31

Yeah, I'll take more.

I'll take more.

Yeah, I'll take yeah, if, if, if this means that that person will be OK, I I will help them out.

Yeah.

And it just caught up with me and my body.

Before my mind knew and before my heart knew my body was like no more.

So went to the intensive, came back and I remember like every day I had a goal.

19:51

I was like, OK, today I'm coming back and we had to go until Christmas party and it was in a restaurant and for whatever reason it was almost like there was a tuning fork in me and and if it got hit there would be a vibration that would kick in and that it would cause this like panic inside of me.

20:07

And it was like I didn't feel unsafe.

But for whatever reason, the vibrations within my body were like.

They're telling you.

You're on.

Oh yeah.

And so, I mean, you know, we went to this restaurant and had a great time with your team, but also we had to like tell them to turn down and change the music because it was like early 90s grunge or something.

20:27

And you know, and they were so great to do it.

And it's so every day I've said, OK, how can I show up today?

And as I've gone, the healing has happened.

Yeah, because I think the other option is to not show up.

20:42

And if, and this is just personally for me, so this might not be for everyone.

If I'm not showing up, you know, one of two things.

If I'm not showing up, it means that maybe, maybe I'll just choose to not do that today and draw a boundary.

But if I'm not showing up in the things that I I want to show up for, then that that's fear.

21:02

And if I'm listening to fear that I'm not listening to faith.

And if I'm not listening to faith, I'm not living by faith.

And so I know that the healing in my life is happening for a lot of reasons.

Like there there's things that I'm doing, obviously, you know, we started off the episode talking about tea versus coffee.

21:20

I'm like trying to do everything I can logistically, but from a spiritual standpoint, I I know that the medicine and the antidote to what has happened to me is faith, not fear.

And so I've just been trying to walk in faith every day and show up the best I can in the things that I know to do do.

21:42

It doesn't mean that I'm back to the old.

Absolutely not.

Like, you know, something we'll talk about today is like, OK I I've got, I have to approach the new year in a new way or I'm going to be back to where I started and that's not an option.

You guys are generous to listen to all this.

22:00

This our family update.

But I also the main reason why I asked Nick if we could share all this and just put it in one place for people to hear is because this year you know we're people who put, we're people who put out messages, right?

22:15

So like we lead our church because we want to see the renewal of the American church, we and we want to see the renewal of the global church.

We believe that the family of God is the light of the world, placed there on purpose to shine the light of Jesus, so that people will be enamoured with God and will walk with him.

22:35

You know, even this podcast, like you know, our little tagline is like living fully awake.

Or your book comes out in February.

Your first book don't give up just yet.

And my book comes out in April.

Tired of being tired.

And I think the only way for us to move forward as people who really want to use the messages that God has given us and to teach and to lead and to encourage others is to be honest and transparent to some degree.

23:03

To say like, we are not playing about these messages.

And even like, OK, take the podcast Living Fully Awake for us right now.

Living Fully Awake is living fully awake to the pain that you've been through.

Living fully awake to the emotions that that it caused in me and our family while we loved you and watched you struggle.

23:24

Living fully awake to the ways our life needs to shift and change because we are absolutely going into 2024 with a little bit of a holy limp.

You know, we're not rearing ahead.

We're not like taking a new ground like.

23:40

And you know for certain that the only way you can continually tell people to not give up is to take what they need, you know?

Yeah.

And the only way to stay in the game sometimes is to sit down.

Yeah, and say, hold on one second.

23:57

I gotta take care of my soul, you know?

And we we talk about that in the book?

Sure.

Yeah.

The irony was not lost on me.

Like the whole process of writing the book happened over three years, if not a little bit more.

And so a three-year writing process, the writing actually didn't take that long, but the actual, like getting this message going and all that.

24:17

And so the irony wasn't lost on me then and it's not lost on me now.

And so part of the thing that we talked about in the book is, is sometimes there is a pause and a pivot that needs to happen in order for persistence to be part of your life.

And so I knew that it in order to keep going and be the man that God's called me to be.

24:35

Yeah.

In the responsibilities that he's called me to hold, I needed to pause for a second.

Yeah, I need to say, hey, it is.

It is time for me to care for my soul so that I can jump back into the things that he had for me.

Yeah.

And then the other thing that we talk about in the book is we talk about befriending resistance.

24:53

Yeah.

You know, I think a lot of times we wait until there is no resistance.

But what I've noticed in my life and then when I read the life of Jesus in the Gospels, is that in this world, we will have resistance in part of us doing the things that he's called us to do is realizing that we've got to press through the resistance the best that we can.

25:13

And when we do that, that's when we see the harvest that's on the other side.

And so, you know, the whole time I'm I'm, you know, up at night pacing, I'm just like, Lord, I am, I am befriending this resistance.

I see it as a clear sign that that you are doing something in my life that you want to do something in my future and I'm going to do the best I can to press through and you know press through pressing through look different every day.

25:41

Yeah.

But I was I was willing to say hey or the giving up is is not an option like the the way is through not around.

So all that being said, it's 2024.

It's coming.

It's coming.

I mean, when this episode airs, it will be 2025.

26:00

Happy New Year, everybody.

Happy New Year.

I am typically a New Year's girl.

God has.

Over the last decade, God has softened the way I see the New Year.

But it's still your Super Bowl.

But it's still my Super Bowl.

But I've confessed to you this year I do not have a lot of expectancy.

26:18

I would love to hit a ginormous pause button and not necessarily move forward and just recover.

But I know that the recovery comes in the moving forward and the moving forward comes in the recovery.

26:35

So it's going to actually be messier.

It's going to be Wilder and more real.

And it's not going to be like, OK, new journal 2024, new year, new me.

It's going to be all right, let's take the last 40 years and what God's done and what he's doing and see what he's doing next.

26:56

So give me a 2 minute sermon on why we do not like the phrase New year, New me.

Well, I'm sure you have your reasons, but I think for me, one of the beautiful things about the gospel, you know, I think it's Second Corinthians 5/17 that says, therefore, if anyone is in Christ, they are a new creation, The old is gone and the new has come.

27:19

And so as believers and as people who listen to the good news of Jesus, we have access to that New year energy every second of every day.

Yeah, that's good.

And so you know when when I wake up on sometime in February and I realized that all the the goals, the dreams, the hopes and all the things that I laid out in maybe December have the bottoms falling out.

27:45

You know it's it's not that still doesn't take away from the New Year energy that we have in and through Christ Jesus and and it's not necessarily New year.

It's it's new grace.

It's new mercies.

You know his his mercies are new every day And so after there's nothing anything wrong with this like New Year hype because I do think it's it's the same thing with Christmas.

28:08

It's like the world pauses and stops and we get to catch a glimpse of of who Jesus is.

And so the New year is like, oh man, the world pauses and stops and they get to see a new beginning.

And so as believers like, we know that that new beginning happens in and through Christ Jesus, but it's also accessible every day.

28:30

And so, yes, New Year, incredible.

But also, you know, new grace, new mercy every day.

Podcast friends Can I tell you about one of my favorite podcasts?

My friend Catherine Wolf hosts the Good Hard Podcast in some way or another.

28:49

We're all living lives that we never imagined living.

They're full of detours and unmet expectations and plan BS or Plan C and Plan D My friend Catherine suffered an out of the blue stroke at age 26 and she's been living with lifelong disabilities ever since.

29:07

She knows a thing or two about an off script life through the Good Hard podcast.

You've got a seat at Catherine's table as she shares her hard won experiences on surviving and even thriving within her constraints.

29:24

Catherine and her amazing guests let us in on how they've developed emotional agility, found purpose and their pain and become better after being broken.

We believe the good story and the hard story can be the same story.

You're going to love my friend Catherine and her amazing podcast.

29:45

In this episode we're going to share kind of an outline for like a really grace filled gospel centered goal setting guide for you that is just kind of like the very beginning of if you want to start somewhere but you don't want to give in to this, like I have to be the only person I do everything new.

30:02

If you don't want to do that, which I don't think you do in Jesus name, you'll see in the show notes, you can download this free, graceful gospel centered goal guide for you.

But you and I are starting in January right now.

Yeah, Life school, which we've been so excited about and you know, when you were struggling.

30:20

I think we've done this in the past when any time we've kind of been up against something, we've let everything come off the plate and say, like, is this really what God has for us?

So even with Life School, even though we talked about it on the podcast, even though we'd done all the work to get it ready, we said, like, is this still what God wants us to do?

30:37

And we do believe it is.

We both really feel like we're supposed to get into a place of coaching men and women who do not necessarily have to be married.

Yeah.

And helping them with their vision, with their rhythms, with their priorities, with their relationships.

And so Life School is going to be a year long coaching community where we're going to do coaching and Q&A and and hopefully do some really intensive work with people live.

31:01

So it's not just like here, watch this class, but like let's talk about your vision, let's talk about your priorities.

So we're going to be doing that all year long.

You can get a month free of Life School when you pre-order 2 copies of Tired of Being Tired or when you pre-order 2 copies of Don't Give Up Just Yet.

31:21

You can get a free month that way.

So you can go to jessconnelly.com slash tired of being tired or go to nickconnelly.com CO/I.

Don't know if there's a slash yet, but if you just go to.

Go to the show notes too.

We'll put, we'll link it in there, but we're still going to do Life School.

31:39

So I want to kind of give this overview of where we're going in Life School, but you wanted to say something first.

Well I I think one of the things that I've almost even more about the why of life school so you can give the overview is is you know you and I say this all the time is we haven't necessarily had certain things in our lives that we've desired.

31:58

And so a great example.

You are such an incredible business leader and you you lead your team so well and one of the things that go and tell us passionate about is you know maternity leave in empowering women in all the ways that.

They are.

32:14

Empowered in the workspace traditionally.

And one of your things that you always say is I want to give them what I didn't have.

And so for 30 out of 36 months you were pregnant and and we didn't we didn't have that option.

And so with life school one of the things that we talk about all the time is a desire for mentorship and coaching in our life.

32:34

Like we always feel like we're underwater all the things.

And so there's two options.

We can really complain about that right and play the victim or we can stand in victory and say hey you know, if this is something that I desire.

I wonder if other people in this world would desire this too.

32:55

And so, you know, before you jump into the what?

Yeah.

You know, for us, I think one of the big whys is, is we want to give people what we necessarily haven't had.

Yeah.

And so I think one of the things that I see leading a church is that there are a lot of people who are going through life and doing, you know, their job.

33:15

Maybe it's raising a family.

Maybe it's trying to figure out how to be a man in their spheres or a woman in their spheres.

And what does it look like to live out our callings?

And you're you're probably thinking like, man, I just wish I had guidance.

I wish I had direction.

33:31

I wish I had.

You know, a lot of times it's just someone saying, like, hey, you're heading in the right direction, you're doing OK You feel like you're on an island.

You feel like you're in the fog, but you're actually heading in the right way.

Take the next step.

And so with Life School, you know, one of the things that we hope to ride is a community and an atmosphere where people can, they can hear those things and be encouraged by them and have a framework that they might be desiring with all their heart that you know, something that maybe we didn't have and and so anyway, we just want to help people.

34:04

That's a good to share the why I keep saying about Life School.

I keep saying it's us pouring into people who pour out other places.

You know, if you find yourself as a mom or a college student or a nurse or a person in ministry or a couple in ministry or, you know, a man leading your family and you're like, I pour out everywhere else who's going to pour into me?

34:25

That's what we want to do.

And we feel like we've God's given us this vision for a really sustainable coaching community where we can really do that.

So again, you'll see all that in the show notes and how to sign up for Life School.

But here's what I want mostly want to tell you about Life School is that we are goals people.

34:42

We are vision people.

And God has brought so much fruit to our life and there's so many parts of our life that truly, like, we could not have necessarily stepped into if we had not partnered with God to say, where are you taking us?

What are you doing?

What is happening here?

34:58

You know, Bright City would not have been started and survived for 10 years.

You would not be doing fun side deals in real estate.

You know, I don't know that I would have built go and tell gals.

Neither of us would have published books if we didn't know how to say, like, all right, where's God pointing us?

35:15

And how can we work with Holy Spirit to take steps toward that?

But here's what you're going to find out immediately about Life School.

I think when a lot of people think about goals, they think about a blank sheet of paper on January 1.

And what we're going to do in Life School is actually massively slow down that process.

35:35

And we're going to spend the first two months of the year talking about inventory.

We're going to spend the next two months of the year talking about vision.

We're going to spend the next two months of the year talking about priorities.

Then we're going to get into rhythms and pace of life and relationships.

35:52

That may be a little less satisfying than pulling out a blank sheet of paper on January 1 and saying, like, here are my five goals for the year.

Let's take the hill.

But let me tell you why it matters is number one, you cannot set goals until you take inventory of your life.

And you cannot set goals until you know what your actual priorities are.

36:10

And you cannot know what your priorities are until you have a three-year, five year, 10 year vision where you partner with God and say where are we going.

But not many people know how to do that instinctively.

And we have read all the books we can and gotten all the coaching we can.

And so now we want to share what we've learned about those things.

36:27

So that's my last little pitch for life school.

But I do want to tell you, we're going to spend all of 2024 walking through kind of the basics of these areas and you and I are super, super, super pumped about it.

Before we talk about just this kind of like grace filled, gospel centered, goal setting, if you are like, hey, I got to do something right now I want to just speak a little bit to people who might have skeptics in their life and I want to speak a little bit to people who might be the skeptics in their own life.

37:00

A lot of you might be listening to this and you might be like I want to take inventory, I want to get vision.

But there are people who would say, like, who do you think you are?

Why aren't you just happy with what you have?

Why are you always like, trying to be so big for your britches?

And then there might be some people who are saying that to themselves.

37:19

Who do you think you are?

What would you say to those people to encourage?

Them great question.

One of the things I've done is I bought a year long chronological Bible that gives me daily reading and one of the things I've done is I've started early these.

37:37

Two started this morning and we're recording this on December 21st.

I know.

And I and I I'd do that because I I'd know that I'm gonna get behind and all the things.

But anyway, I started it early and one of the things I'm I'm obviously reading right now is is the beginning when God is creating and doing and moving in humanity.

37:57

And one of the things that is just so clear is that God wants his kids to exercise authority and dominion on this planet.

And that looks different for everyone else, for each of us.

38:13

Like it it it's going to look different in all the beautiful ways.

Not not in the.

Oh well, so and so's doing this and so I need to do that, but like in in beautiful ways, it's going to look different.

And so from Genesis to the Gospels, you know, we, we do have this mandate of increase.

38:32

And I think where we get in trouble is we we try to put expectations on our increase and we realize, well, so and so down the street has this increase And so I want to, you know, 2X their increase because you know, whatever.

And then we slap like a God bumper sticker on it.

38:48

But I think at the core of who we are is, is we are people who are supposed to be fruitful and multiply in whatever way we can.

And so with that, you know, I've been reading a lot of Matthew 1128 through 30 because I I feel like that's the verse, Like I want to come back with the light burden.

39:08

And but one of the things I see in that passage is it it doesn't mean that you don't work.

It means that you're yoked to Jesus doing the work.

And so I think when I look at the scriptures, I just see a clear message of multiplication in a mandate for exercising authority and dominion on this planet.

39:26

And so if you are your skeptic, you're almost preaching false gospel or a anti God message to your life of that's not his heart, that's not his desires for our lives.

Wow, woof.

That's really good.

It's so crazy how a false gospel falls on both sides of like it does New Year.

39:46

New you.

You have to be a completely different person.

You have to take the hill.

You have to figure this out.

You have to work it all out.

You have to pull yourself up by your bootstraps.

That's a false gospel.

But also the other side of the coin that says, like, you are who you are always gonna be.

Yeah, like, well, who do you think you are?

40:02

Is also a false gospel because first Peter 29 says you are chosen people, a royal priesthood.

So wow.

Wow.

Wow.

That's encouraging.

And I think another thing I would add too is when you're going back to that, that that first message of the enemy in the garden is I've been thinking a lot about shame versus guilt.

40:22

And shame is is you know the these messages of you'll never you won't.

It's almost like this message that comes from Satan is is a negative message.

Yeah.

Like no, never can't won't yeah.

Like all of these things and guilt.

40:40

One of the things I've noticed in my own life is that guilt is should have.

Could have would have.

Yeah.

Like, it's almost like a a replaying over and over again of how you should have done something different.

And a lot of times I can produce a growth, but sometimes when we sit in, it produces guilt.

40:56

Yeah.

And so I think the other thing I would say is that usually you say this all the time is what's about like your trigger for you is when someone says let me play devil's advocate and it's like, why are you playing for the devil?

I don't like to play for the devil.

I don't want you playing for the devil.

41:12

It's out of my space.

Exactly.

And so when people do that in their own life or that in the life of another, it's like there is nothing of God, Yeah, about that position and that posture.

Yeah, that was a really good word.

If you're the skeptic in your own life, can I give you a quick word?

41:29

If you have skeptics in your life, number one, once they show you like, they're not safe for you to share vision or goals with them, I don't care how close they are to you.

Don't do it until you see change.

41:45

And let me tell you, I say this with the most compassion.

I don't say they're bad people.

I don't say they're not safe people.

I don't say they're not loving people.

I say that for whatever reason, they are where they're at right now.

And you can have compassion towards that.

Absolutely.

42:00

You can say like I I'm actually so sorry for them that, like, growth seems like such a stunting thing to them.

And that being said, best way I can love God well and I can love them well is to not continually tell them my dreams.

Like this is how.

Like I'm glad we can't rewrite scripture and we shouldn't.

42:18

But like, I do sometimes want to go to Joseph when he's telling his brothers, like, I've had this dream I'm going to rule over you.

Like Joseph, they were actually not safe.

Yeah.

And that could have been communicated better.

Yeah, the delivery could have been a little different, a little, little little.

42:33

More serious if they were not the people to tell.

So like if there's somebody in your life that you keep saying like hey, I think I want to try this thing or hey, I think I want to join life school or hey, I think I want to do this with my life or hey, I think I want to do this ministry or hey, I think I want to write this book or hey, I think I just want to like love people more intentionally and they don't respond well.

42:50

Don't keep telling them until that part of their life changes the other way.

I want to encourage you to deal with skeptics in your life.

In the same way that Nick's book teaches us to befriend resistance.

I want to encourage you to welcome feedback and questions.

43:11

So when I do share a new dream or a new goal or a new idea with people in my life who are safe, one of the first things I'll say is like, ask me hard questions about this.

Poke holes in this and that humility.

To say like, hey, I have this dream or I have this desire, I have this vision or I have this goal or I have this idea for growth.

43:32

But you speak into it, save people, It keeps you from feeling a little defensive.

And I think that that would help a lot of us at the beginning of the year.

Yeah, and even that.

That going back to what you said about Joseph, the beautiful thing about Joseph Story and his brothers is at the end of it all, he learns how to operate out of that calling and out of that favor and out of what God was doing in his life.

43:54

Yeah.

And his brothers go through a journey and they learn to receive it.

Yeah.

And they learn to do it together.

And so I think the other great news is that because someone is like that now doesn't.

Doesn't mean they'll stay like.

That exactly. 100%.

And so I think, and even even in our communication, I mean, even for me and you and I like being the dreamer.

44:17

I figured out really quickly in life that how I communicated what I felt like God was doing in my life was more important than what God was actually doing in my life.

Yeah.

And so when I came to you based off of our personalities, like I had to be able to say like a of you know, there there was a communication process that went into it that was different than when you know.

44:39

Your favorite story to tell. 2007 We're about ready to have our our first child, and we're waiting.

I'm literally on the.

She is ready to be filled open.

About to have AC section.

And I literally look, she looks at me and it's like, I love you so much, you're gonna be an incredible dad.

44:57

And then I look back and say, hey, we should move to Manhattan and help plant churches.

That's a true thing which was real.

Sorry, such a bad bad.

But.

Bad thing and timing and all.

To be honest, I I actually don't think I responded poorly.

I think I was like, OK, great.

45:14

But there were times over the next 19 years that you would pitch vision to me that I responded very poorly because your vision would scare me.

But like, flip to 19 years later, two days ago, you were talking about a dream in your heart, and it's a dream you've been talking about for a long time.

45:31

And you said to me for the first time, you said, I'm just now realizing that probably feels really unsafe for you.

Oh, yeah.

And I was like, wow, babe.

Yeah.

But because you acknowledge it, your dream is not unsafe for me.

Because you acknowledge that, it makes me feel risky.

45:47

Now I feel not so risky about it.

Yeah, and we've got to figure out, like, how to come under the safety of God and doing the things that God's called us to do, because they might not be safe things, but we've got to do our best to to speak to that, and even if it's just compassionately carrying it.

46:02

And so the where that came from was the primal questions.

I don't know if you've ever talked.

About the seven primal questions we haven't talked about Mike Foster, it's.

Incredible.

Incredible book framework, all the things.

So I was listening to a podcast that he was on when we were driving to visit family.

And I just realized for the first time that that my question is around purpose.

46:23

And so I'm always processing purpose and I'm always trying to make sure that I'm living into purpose.

And, you know, one of the things that he says is that when you live that way, sometimes that can be really undoing.

46:38

If the other person's question is around safety, am I safe?

And so I was like, well, OK, that explains 18 years of marriage and a lot of years of dating it.

So cuz like, fleshed out for you, you really will say, like, I'm just trying to figure out what God's call is on my life.

46:55

And I'll be like, we're in it doing it, you know, You'll say, like, I just wanna make sure I'm living in like my full purpose and I'm like, am I not enough?

Am I not enough of a purpose?

You know?

But yeah, that helps.

So welcome feedback and ask questions.

47:12

And know that everybody's coming from a different yeah, you know, it's not that the primal question is everything, but.

It's been a helpful tool for us.

Like, people are coming from different places in different circumstances.

And, you know, even early on in our, our marriage, I realized that I had been living into this narrative that things never really worked out for me.

47:30

That was what I I lived into.

Yeah.

And you were like, hey, that that's not like true.

And so flipping those narratives are just so key in this process and how you process what you're doing, but also how you process it with others.

Yeah, absolutely.

47:46

All right, so here's our thing.

We really would love for you to join Life School again.

We're gonna give you a month free when you pre-order either of our books. 2 copies.

We can't do the one-on-one.

Yeah, so you can't do one copy of Don't give up just yet and one copy of Tired of being tired.

I'm sorry.

We're trying to honor our publishers well, so you either have to pre-order 2 copies of Tired of Being Tired or two copies of Don't Give Up just Yet and that'll get you a month free for the entire year.

48:14

We're going to be walking through this.

We're going to be walking through.

And just FYI, we believe that Life School will go on past 2024, but just for this first year, we're going to deal with inventory and vision and priorities and rhythms and pace and relationships and celebration, All of these beautiful things that we think really will help you partner with God to step into all that he has for you.

48:37

But we are giving you this very quick free download.

If you're like that, I need to do something today.

It's January 1st.

It's the first week of January.

I need to do something.

This kind of grace filled, gospel centered goals PDF that you have access to is going to walk you through counting the fruit, identifying what worked last year.

48:56

Because if you are not in a space where you can be grateful for what God's given you, you cannot steward what he'll give you next because you won't even notice that you have it.

So you need to count the fruit of what worked last year.

We're going to encourage you in this PDF to just kind of identify the areas of concern.

49:12

This is like the beginning of taking inventory.

Again, we're going to spend two months in Life school taking inventory.

So we are going to really dive in deep to it.

But I want you to just if you use this PDF, just start to notice, lean into the bigger picture, start to notice where you want to be in one year, in five years, in 10 years.

49:29

Again, we're going to spend a lot of time on that in Life School as well, identify maybe 3 rhythms to shift immediately.

Like because a lot of us need kind of some immediate agreement in our lives of like, OK, starting in the new year, I'm going to wake up earlier or starting in the new year, I'm going to drink more water or starting in the New year, I'm going to switch from tea to coffee.

49:47

You I'm.

Doing both.

But you can kind of identify 3 immediate rhythms that need to shift.

Then from there, identify three goals that might take a little bit more time to get after and to pay attention to.

And then per this conversation, identify three safe and sharpening people to continually check in with about your growth.

50:11

Some of us may find at the beginning of doing this PDF we don't have three people.

But then maybe one of those immediate rhythms is that we start praying for the third person you know, or start praying for the first person.

So again, this download is free for you, it's in the show notes.

We would be just so blessed if you used it and if it was a life giving way to start your new year.

50:29

But we'd also love to see you in life school as we grow this community of people who are seeking to see God's abundance in their life.

Yeah.

And I think, you know, the other thing that I think about, looking back, God was so faithful to get me where I needed to be when I needed to be.

50:45

Yeah, I definitely think that there was probably like five to seven years where I needed just a framework and that could have helped process a lot of life a little differently.

And so I feel like if you're in that space where you're like, man, I just feel like I'm floating in no man's land in my job, in my life, in the vision of it, in the direction.

51:06

I really do just think that this, this would be an incredible valuable tool for your life.

And I mean, even the pricing, like we're trying to price it so it's so affordable, 'cause I think at the core of it, we just want to help people live, you know, fully awake and also like in the fullness of who God's created them to be.

51:28

And so I I really do really do speak from a place of of just we we want to see people living into their purpose, which is my primal thing.

Your primal question.

Yeah, but I you.

Know I just want you to feel safe.

In God's plan.

51:46

I'm just kidding in God's protection.

Yeah, but also I think the more people are living in their their true self, the better this world will be.

So good in the church.

Yeah.

Thank you, God.

Hey, listen, thanks for joining us on this kind of vulnerable, transparent episode.

52:06

We're so grateful for you.

You can get links to all of this in the show notes.

We'll link to the Seven Primal Questions, this book that we've referenced a couple of times.

Obviously to life school to don't give up just yet.

Tired of being tired.

But before we leave, Nick, will you just pray us out?

Pray us into this new year.

52:22

Yeah, I'd just say one thing real quick.

I think also having been what I've gone through the last almost 40 days, I just, you know, if you're out there and you're like me and I, the anxiety, the stress, the panic, all of it is, is running through my body.

52:38

I just you know pray that that you will receive relief and and that you'll receive healing and just that you know I am thinking of you and so many people have been so kind to who who knew what was happening have been so kind to reach out text or this is a broad blanket you know podcast.

52:57

But just know that if that is you, you know, I'm praying for you, I'm thinking of you, and just pray that you'll be able to find the healing that God has for you in your unique ways that you need it.

And so yeah.

We'll link to a few resources for people if they're looking for therapy or if they need a hotline to call, and then we'll also link to on site.

53:19

Oh yeah, the intensive treatment therapy center where you went.

It's a great, great experience.

A great.

People there.

All right, you bring us out.

Father, we just thank you for technology.

We thank you for podcasts.

We thank you for being able to encourage and receive encouragement as we go through our life through this, this moment.

53:39

Father, we are just in to open heart, open expectant for the New year.

And Father, there's nothing magical about January 1.

But God, we are just using it as a a signpost in our life's journey to just say, hey, what do you want to do next year?

53:58

If you could do anything in our lives, what would you do?

If you can multiply anything, what would you multiply?

If we could bless anyone and everyone, how would you want us to bless them?

And so, Father, our hands are open.

Our hearts are open.

54:13

Our feet are ready.

Guy, would you just speak, would you would you just give us the guidance that we need for the new year and and just know that it is going to be a graceful journey.

And on the days where we don't live like we'd hoped.

We know that we're falling into the grace of who you are.

54:32

And as kids for the most high God that that we are sons and daughters.

And nothing can shift that.

And it's not about what we do.

It's about what you've done on the cross and into your son Jesus, into our resting in the finished work of the cross.

We're resting and having incredible dreams and and hopes for the new year.

54:53

And despite the pain and despite the resistance, we're just leaning into you and knowing that those things don't thwart the plans that you have for our life.

And so, God, we just lean into you.

We lean into your spirit, and we trust you with the new year.

55:09

And we know that you're going to be near.

We know that you are going to be in US, and we know that you want to work through us.

So God, our eyes are on you.

Amen.

Father, we love you and thank you in Jesus name.

Amen.

Amen.

Friends, I'm so grateful you listened to today's episode.

55:29

Thanks for spending time with me.

It would mean the world to me to connect with you.

So you can send me Adm on Instagram at Jess A Connolly or head to my website jessconnolly.com for more ways to connect.

If you have a minute to subscribe and leave a review of the podcast wherever you listen, it would massively help us reach more people with the good news that they can live fully awake.

55:52

Let's go.